Angel Food (lowfat)

“Ugh.” That’s the sound my body is making after several days of over-eating and subsisting almost solely on processed foods. The week started well enough at the doctor’s office; she reported that I’ve lost almost 10 lbs since my last visit. But, I quickly derailed Tuesday evening by eating far too much at my parents’ house. I’ve been beating myself up, living on frozen meals and take out ever since.

I’ve regressed to little blah places in several areas of my life this week. The regression, I’ve come to realize, is straight-up fear over what my future holds, in my weight loss, in my relationship, in my career, in my finances, etc. So, I’ve been slipping into old patterns - not exercising, staying up too late, eating poorly, etc. The old patterns, unfortunately, include getting angry with myself for being in the old patterns. Real healthy cycle isn’t it?

The good news, however, is that the old little blah places from my past don’t feel comfortable anymore. I don’t like visiting them. I want to explore the new places fully. I need to get used to the idea that I won’t always have a map to do my exploring. I believe in God, don’t I? As a believer in God, don’t I need to trust that God has the map? Actually, God doesn’t even need the map because God is already in the places that I want to explore. A few years ago when my life changed dramatically for the better, I started exploring where I thought God was. Whenever I let go of my true beliefs is when the old patterns start happening again; I forget about living for joy and wholeness and live just to exist. I wind up feeling awful. On my pursuit of the elusive size 8 jeans again, I can’t forget my pursuit of the places that God is. And, I need to accept that those places may be without maps.