Archive for December, 2010

It’s a new day :)

Well it certainly is a new day and I am going to rest/relax until going out with Myra tonight. We are going to a friend of hers for drinks and then the three of us..maybe more are heading downtown to a club. A really good local band, Celtic Connection is playing and we may go see them.

I want to thank you girls for your support..not only with weight loss but the support that a real friend would provide. I feel lucky to have you in my lives. Sparkling…you are just so full of wisdom and it gives me a different perspective of the entire thing. I was up until 3 am last night, still upset..I guess basically because I take EVERYTHING to heart and sort of dwell on it. You are so right..I cannot control them or how they behave but I can control my reaction. I am not going to let people determine how I am going to spend my Christmas. I am not going to just sit around and get all bent out of shape for the way that they are. I have decided that I will NOT spend another Christmas like that again. After this holiday I am sure I would much rather enjoy a quiet peaceful Christmas with my bf in the city.

Oh weight this am was 151.5 :). Not too far from under 150 😛

Small Towns/Small Minds & My New Year’s Resolutions…

will not only include getting back on track w/ diet and exercise but will also include the following:

-not let people walk all over me

-not try to please everyone…it really is impossible

-not put up w/ family bullshit

-not worry about what people think of me

I bet you are wondering why I am writing these…Well bf and I decided to cut our xmas holiday a day short and head back to the city. I am from a small town where EVERYONE knows everyones business (it’s disgusting!) and my mom and her bf are very small minded people. This AM I was basically ‘told off’ by mom’s bf (sorta step father–they’ve been together for 10+yrs).

It all began when two people were walking by the house and they were wondering who they were (like seriously, right!)..I mean saying “oh i think its this person..no it’s so and so” pathetic!…and I said “what is the big deal with who it is??? what difference does it make who it is???”. Well my mother told me to be quiet..in a not so nice way..and my mom’s bf told me to ‘shut up’ that I have a ‘bad attitude’ and that I am ‘one of those bitchy women’. I was DUMBFOUNDED! He has never said anything to me before like this. Bf was asleep and didn’t hear a thing. I was speechless and couldn’t say anything. What hurt the most was that my mother didn’t speak up for me (being as small minded as she is she just agrees with whatever he says as if he’s God). My mother THEN proceeded to tell my brother that I told him to shut up…i said “how is asking you both what is so important with who is walking by telling someone to shut up?” Her bf then said, “well it is a big deal to me”…I said “obviously it is because you have no lives and nothing else to worry about”. I walked in the bedroom. Told bf we were leaving..packed..etc and left. Holding in the tears insanely. Of course then I was labelled as being ‘contrary’ because I decided to leave. I basically felt unwanted or made to feel like I want to leave.

I went above and beyond with buying presents for both of them. All my mother did was complain or find a fault in some of it. I didn’t get a thankful from either of them. I was at the grocery store at 11:45 pm a few nights before going home buying things THEY needed and could not get at home.

Anyways….after eating a lot of crap over holidays….I am 153.5. I am in desperate need of a real vacation to get away from all the crap my family is throwing at me…or at least a good drunk..which may very well happen tomorrow night :).

I hope everyone had a less stressful x-mas than myself with people are ‘normal’. I will NOT spend next Christmas with these people. I don’t care if i have to sit and eat turkey by myself…I am so serious…

Angela

failure

that is how i feel…….i’ve had zero self control this past week…and I feel like a failure because I didn’t give it my all for the 5 lb challenge…If I truly commited to it I wouldn’t be feeding myself such garbage. I need to join a gym or commit to something. The zumba class that I used to go to (about 15 mins away) is no longer in same building but now a little further. I don’t think I want to drive 40 mins to/from an exercise class.

weighed this am and was shamefully 153. I am constipated. I have been eating SHIT for the past while..ever since the buffets and the amount of sweets/chocolates that we’re given at the daycare is insane.

the day of my staff brunch  I tried on a pair of dressy capri pants that I wore two years ago (they have no buttons/zippers..just bit stretchy) and I had to SQUEEZE myself into them..seriously…and I felt so shitty since then.

my plan after xmas is to join a gym (which one I don’t know!) after xmas. gym memberships here average about 50 a month…which I can handle. I thought about going back to my old gym w/ the pool but I don’t want to go back to aqua aerobics because of the chlorine and my lcn nails. the schedule there is really lacking and not I don’t have much interest in it. ( i find it beyond boring using the machines) there IS a gym, Goodlife..that is literally one minute from my house..and they have various locations across the city..where I can go if I have a membership. Say zumba is offered at one on Mon…another on Tues…etc.. I can go to whichever class I want.

I WILL GET BACK ON TRACK

I WILL COMMIT TO SOMETHING (EXERCISE/GYM) AFTER XMAS

LOL NO IF’S AND’S OR BUTS!

On another note my brother has the keys to his new apparent..thank F%$#! and will move out early next week. However….my sisters ex ex bf moved away a few yrs ago….they broke up because of distance….is back in the province for a while…and he came in to spend xmas w/ her. (She has to work and spending first xmas away from home..but will go to my Mom’s next week for New Year’s) I am hoping that they get back together and move out..lol.

Ang

out of control week…food wise…

Well let’s see…last Sunday, my worker and I went to mall to do a little shopping..ended up going to a restaurant in mall, Fog City..Where I shamefully downed a burger and fries. On Wed, we had a potluck at our meeting for work…again ate too much, and last night Myra /I went to a chinese buffet :S..need  isay more?? The good thing is that I ate a lot of broccoli, and seafood. I also did NOT eat any dessert at the restaurant. I didn’t want to weigh this am for fear of the sodium making me retain water. I am going to drink a LOT of water today and weigh in tomorrow. Oh and tomorrow we have our staff brunch. Oh dear oh dear. I am going to enjoy tomorrow and stay OP all week until Christmas.  I know that a few days of bad eating won’t do a lot because I don’t eat a lot throughout the days..just had a few larger meals, more than ever in the past week.

I didn’t go to boxaerobics at all this past week..simply because I’ve been that busy that when i’m home and free of work/appointments I just want to veg out. No excuse really!

On another note I went today and got my hair cut (again) a little shorter, chin length, blonde highlights and purple peekaboos on each side. It’s the first time ever having color and I love it!!!!! I think next time I will get a mixture of turquoise and purple..and a little more!

Had a gift exchange last night w/Myra..she gave me a new purse, w/ gum, chocolates and lip gloss inside and I gave her PJ’s, a dip mix that I ordered from a party I went to and a really cute dish for putting it in. I also gave her cat treats, lol!

I now have two more appointments next week (massage and nails) and after that I need to just focus on relaxing/ getting stuff done here around the house, before I go home.

Have a great weekend chickies!

Ang

didn’t workout

I think thats a good idea Michelle. She did message me today about going to boxfit but honestly I didn’t know if i should work out. I had a massage last night that literally almost made me cry…oh ya that was already said..anywho my back was very sore today…almost felt ‘bruised’ to the touch so I didn’t know if I should go to the boxfit..wearing weighted gloves for the entire class and the dumbbell workout at the end. I googled “different massage types” and I am pretty sure I had a Deep Tissue Massage. Some sites said its very normal to experience pain..it will last for a day or so and then eventually go away…whereas other sites said that pain should be minimal. My other instructor would do Swedish Massages..more gentler and less invasive.

Today was an okay day…realizing i need to eat more fruit. Ate two pears..went to the grocery store and picked up huge bag of apples and some jumbo grapes. We’re having a potluck tomorrow at work for supper..I bought a large caesar salad to bring w/ light dressing.

Hope you girlies have a great Wednesday!

Biggest Loser Finale tonight!!!

Bye bye cellulite :P

Haha bought the 12 something a bottle Nivea cellulite gel the other night at wally world….gotta use it twice a day….I am not overly cellulitish but I have some on my bum and legs…fun fun…I think thats why i actually HATE my thighs….my friends say they can’t notice it..but I do..I know its there and it makes me feel paranoid.

yesterday i weighed in at 147.5. of course weight is down the day after the ‘weigh in’, lol..oh well.

I went to my massage appt (1/4 appts..Yes I have ANOTHER appt on Sat–oil change in car :P) and the therapist said it’s no wonder I am in so much pain…the knots in my lower back and shoulder/neck are unreal…def from working w/ and lifting kids..sitting on small chairs…etc..she did a very slow pressure massage that nearly made me cry out in pain…first time ever having a massage where i felt that much pain…she did warn me that it was going to hurt and told me to let her know when i needed a break..I just focused..took deeeeeeeeeep breaths and fought thru it…also came home and took a HOTTT bath w/ epsom salts…I’m def gonna feel it tomorrow…another appt booked for Monday evening. I think that my last therapist was more relaxation based where this one is more therapy..which ideally IS what I need. Towards the end of the massage tho it was relaxing and when I got up I felt like I had come out of a coma…..ahhhh…

I have a dilemma…well a sort of one. Remember the friend of a friend who I used to go to Boxfit w/? well her and my bestie Myra ‘were’ close friends up until recently. Myra is extremely honest/ tell it like it is kinda gal…and only certain people can handle that type of person…yay me..lol..anywho her friend has been on a kind of self destructive path…….always complaining about how bad life is…does very little to change it…well Myra told her that exactly…she didn’t like it at all…and apparently blogged about it saying she’s considering cutting all ties ( Myra knows about the blog) and Myra emailed her…yada yada. Friend messages me and says “hey wanna go to boxfit…have u went lately??” ( i guess checking to see if i went and didn’t bother messaging her”….I know myra doesn’t care either way if i workout w/ her..I just don’t want to become ‘entangled’ in some sort of argument, lol. If her friend brings it up I will tell her exactly that….that I’m not a part of it..not gonna become a part of it….oh well. I think I should continue on w/ the boxfit and if she goes then oh well..what do u guys think?? I did tell her that i will TRY to go on Thursday…but won’t go tomorrow night…dentist appt at 5 and I just want to be able to relax as much as possible.

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

Oh forgot to tell you something so funny……..every year we have a photographer take group daycare photos taken and framed…our huge wall shelf was painted on the weekend so they were all taken down. As we went to put them up I asked the children if they could find me (in an older pic..like 2007) not one child could find me!!! They all thought I was this girl Michelle who is skinny/ blonde curly hair..haha…nope…I’m the much bigger (about 80 lbs bigger) girl w/ auburn hair on the other side kiddos….their faces were priceless!

Weigh-in

Hey girls..don’t forget to weigh in. I was at 148.5 this am. I am blaming it on the fact  that I didn’t work out at ALL this past week..probably because I was feeling so down..no excuse. I am going to try my hardest to go to boxaerobics tomorrow, tues and maybe thurs night. Thats if I am not exhausted by Thursday. This week is going to be literally insanely busy:

Monday: Work/ Massage appt (yay for relaxation and a better shoulder)

Tuesday: Work/ Dentist appt/ hopefully boxfit

Wednesday: Work/ Meeting for work (barffff) and supper potluck w/ girls during meeting. I TRIED to change meeting to last week so it wouldn’t be so hectic this week but was told that it cannot be changed. A set schedule was made last yr and the daycare owners, curriculum cooridinator, social workers, etc are all aware of our meeting and can drop in freely any time they wish. bullshit.

Thursday. Work/ Hopefully boxfit

Friday: Work (children’s xmas party w/ santa) Can I start taking Advil now???

Saturday: Hair Appt

Sunday: Staff brunch at a fancy shmancy hotel

I think I will be so exhausted that I should take the next week off and sleep, lol.

Yay for the weekend!

Soooo glad tomorrow is Friday..yet I’ve agreed to babysit (just two mins fr. my house and they pay amazingly).

Bf/I haven’t really talked a lot…his way of dealing with it is to just forgive and forget….I am a woman..I just can’t let things go! I know I said some awful things too so I find it hard that men can be like that.

Was too cranky/tired to eat last night but ended up getting hungry around 11pm so had 4 pieces of melba toast w/ tuna. Drank two glasses of water w/ it but still didn’t want to weigh this AM because of the sodium. I caved yesterday and had a piece of choc cake at work (coworkers bday). I also had a teeny sliver today. I stupidly felt that I could have it because I was just stressed..bad thinking… I have been craving french fries insanely….my go to food when I’m stressing…but I refused to let myself have it.

Myra/ I went to mall this evening for supper and bit of shopping. I wanted something ‘bad’ again but ended up having Extreme Pita..grilled chicken on whole wheat pita w/ a TON of veggies. I had two cookies w/ the meal tho :(. I need to get rid of the sweet tooth! ( I think its a common thing around here, lol). I cannot believe I walked out of the mall with ONLY a 12 dollar hat (See pic!) It’s a very thin ivory colored knitted one w/ a flower on it…it’s sooooo cute! I never thought I was able to wear hats when I was bigger but lately people have been telling me hats look nice me..yayyy!!!

Have a great weekend girls!

xo Angela

emotional day

well i had a breakdown at work today..emotionally and NOT very professional..in front of the kids…bf and I were up til 3 am arguing (really about bullshit) but a lot of things were brought up and of course I was going to work on about 3.5 hrs of sleep….the breakdown happened because I was standing behind my coworker (the one doing atkins) who was sitting on a chair..and i said excuse me..and as she lifted chair it went on my foot..of course i screamed in pain…my foot is bruised..and tears came to my eyes immediately. I said “its not you..really it’s not….it’s just soo many other things building up. of course the kids were a little shocked i just told them that my foot hurt so bad that it made me cry..just like when they get hurt. I know my coworker felt mortified and I felt so bad that she did.

on a good note my weight was 148 exactly today…I am sure if i had more sleep it MIGHT have been lower. I barely slept Monday and hardly at all last night.

wish me a better Wednesday please…

Ang

When it rains…it pours….

I hope that this is what winter will consist of…rain and rain only..I was pissed tho that it rained today…had planned to go for a run/walk no matter how cold and dark it was. On another note, I hate snow. I hate scraping cars and I despise shovelling even more (on the bright side its a great workout). My shitbox of a car does NOT have automatic start and therefore in the AM’s bf or I have to go out and start car to warm it up. I swear my next car will DEF have automatic start! Aren’t I a box of sunshine tonight?

A few yrs ago after I began dieting..winter of 08′ I went out shovelling two Saturday mornings in a row….after the first morning I was a little dizzy..not a lot…but the second Saturday when I came inside….I felt extremely dizzy…I had to get a glass of water…but i KNEW I couldn’t carry the glass to my bedroom….I had to walk to my room holding on the walls of the hallway..and just sat on my bed and almost passed out…had to call out to my Sister to bring me the water..after a few minutes thankfully I was fine and I ate a banana immediately. Guessing blood sugars were low or something…so girls..NEVER shovel or do anything that has a lot of exertion before eating anything in the day! Not good!

On the good news here…I just weighed after my shower and hair was blow dried (water has weight :P) and I was 148.5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am hoping and praying that tomorrow am I will be at the 147-147.5 range!!!! However I did NOT eat supper..just a low fat blueberry muffin and tea w/ fresh milk. I eat a lot of my calories by 2 pm and I’m not that hungry in the evenings. I am also not getting into the habit of cooking meals/supper for my brother and sister. They are too damn lazy to cook for themselves ( besides junk)..they only buy junk to eat and I don’t feel like I should be my mother. I don’t mind doing things when there’s reciprocation but in this case theres extremely little. Sad I know. But I am NOT going to let that damper my happiness about the weight. I know 145 is soooooo close.

I have also been doing a lot of dumbbell exercises lately and I can see definition in my arms and back!!! woot woot. However I have been avoiding the crunches. I did a few here/there but not the 100. Some are better than nothing, right??

I hope you all have a great week! I am so proud of each and everyone of you…even if I am the diet police 😛 and I’m also glad to have you along w/ me for the challenge!!

xo Angela

3 Affirmations

-I usually think of others before myself…I am just now starting to put myself ‘first’ for a change.

-I am witty, sarcastic (in a good way) and I love making people laugh

-I love inspiring people to lose weight. I think I kinda inspired my coworker who is over 300 lbs for sure. She began Atkins (altho I don’t really agree w/ this weightloss program and it would never be for me) 3-4 weeks ago and has 23 lbs gone. I probably talk so much about ‘diet’ stuff that it drove her crazy.

Next Page »