did not exist.I had to work at 8am….got up got dressed and realized…CRAP! forgot to weigh myself…Yesterday was the first Friday I didn’t weigh in and write down how much i weighed since LAST January..and no I was not trying to avoid weighing myself..lol…I was running short of time and didn’t feel like undressing just to weigh.

I weighed this morning and I am 143. Quite surprised considering yesterday was such a horrible day for me food wise…ate mac and cheese with the children at lunch…regular cheddar cheese and pasta..nothing lowfat and whole wheat. I also admit to you all that I had 3 very small children bowlfuls. What a complete glutton! I came home from work feeling like the biggest pig alive. THEN to top it all off my bf and I tried a new restaurant and I chose the hot turkey sandwich with fries. It was a complete binge day and I came home literally wanting to make myself throw up. It isn’t healthy to eat so much that I feel sick. I’ve only done that one other time throughout my journey…that I had a complete blowout and ate whatever was in sight..making myself sick.

I have given a lot of thought into my Christmas staff buffet next weekend. I think I am going to allow myself ONE plate..and that is all. There is no need for me to go crazy with food. Afterall it’s just that FOOD! Nothing more or less. Yes it’s good but there are other yummy and better things in life besides food. I am leaning towards just having turkey and salads or a little bit of everything. I have no idea. I think it will depend on how this week goes…If I do well all week I may allow myself to eat a little more.

Okay as you all can tell I am obsessing over food..and that is exactly what it has become…an OBSESSION. I hate it. Sometimes a little part of me wishes I never even dieted. Yes I am much happier with the weigh/ size I am now and the new healthy lifestyle I have taken on (well on most days) but I despise how much this whole thing has taken over my entire life.

I have even noticed occasionally that I take my frustrations out on my boyfriend regarding food. For instance..If I am wanting something unhealthy so badly but won’t allow myself to eat it I become irritable and unbearable. He just thinks I am being contrary but how do I deal with this???

Anyways we were out Xmas shopping today and I picked out two pairs of jeans for myself from bf…one pair of Skinny Jeans..my first ever! Size 28!! And a regular pair of lowcut flares Size 29. Perhaps every time I put a bite of junky food into my mouth I should picture those jeans and ask myself if I want them to fit when I open them up Xmas morning..lol.

Have a great night Sisterchicks! Gonna go watch a movie!! My bf bought a projector and he has it connected to the DVD player..plays movies on the wall!! My own movie theatre!! lol

Angela

…tomorrow is thursday..the day before FRIDAY!!! Work has been insane lately..the kids are crazy!!!!!! So excited….It’s like we went straight from Halloween into Christmas. I seriously felt like pulling my hair out of my head today! Of course this stresses me the hell out and I just want to EAT whatever the heck is in front of me.

My Xmas brunch is on Dec 19/08. Our company owner takes all the employees out for a fancy shmancy brunch at a hotel where there is so many different kinds of yummy food. Part of me wants to go crazy..just for ONE day..my favourite part are all the breakfast foods….the eggs/pancakes/ bacon/ waffles..the list is endless…….it’s not like I am ever anywhere fancy..lol. Also last year we had it at a different hotel and I was so careful and ate so well but truly didn’t enjoy it all all. What should i do??? If I go crazy I may be just setting myself up for disaster over the holidays..I’m so scared!

Aquafit in an hour….I honestly don’t want to go but I am going to make myself. I ALWAYS feel better after I workout..its just the getting ready part that is difficult..lol.

Have a great night chickies!

Angela

Monday’s come way to fast for my liking! It’s insane how fast the time is going….Christmas is literally around the corner and i’m 3/4 ready for it…lol! I did put my tree up on Saturday and  I got a lot accomplished around here..yay!

I forgot to mention that Friday’s weight was again 142.5..and this morning I’m 142! So the scale is moving very very slowly…if not it’ll probably bounce right back up again and today was just a fluke!

I haven’t eaten anything yet..just tea..I have to work at 730 am so i thought I’d make my oatmeal when i get to work…if I eat at 6-630 am I think I’ll just end up being hungry earlier.

Anyways girls–I’m off!

Angela

………a juicy red apple was smiling at me…Can you tell i work with kids? My point is that i’m in love with apples….they instantly take away my sugar cravings and taste so yummy. It’s funny how you begin to love foods that you really never before….an apple before was “oh wow a plain ol apple”….but now it’s a whole different story. I mostly love red delicious, golden delicious, gala and granny smith apples…I’m eating one now as i type and it’s a little difficult..getting jawlock from holding it in my mouth..lol

Went to aqua aerobics today for the first time since last Monday..It was pretty good but hard to get back into it.

Missed Wednesday’s class because we ( bf and I) were supposed to take his sis out for supper (I’ve never met her and not really sure if i want to). Long story short….in the past she’s done some pretty nasty things to my bf and she is close with his ex gf………Enough said……Thinking that she finally has grown up a little and changed my bf offered to take her out. They agreed to meet in front of a local convenience store ( we weren’t sure how to get to where she was staying). His ex pulls up at the same time and goes in….I’m sure it was all planned….originally I wasn’t going..so they thought he’d be there alone..try to cause some sort of scene…they’re very malicious and scandalous (ex and it seems sister too) She was in the store for a long time and came out looking at her watch……. Anyways his sis didn’t show…..denies that she tried to “set him up”. After that he was quite upset that she’d do something like that…after we had just driven across the city in the pouring down rain just to be set up. I know he’s been really wanting Chinese food lately and I tried to cheer him up by saying I didn’t mind going to a chinese restaurant. His sister called last night at 1am going on with her bullshit that it was a coincidence and that she had told him to pick her up somewhere else..COME OFF IT! Sorry to rant!

Today I put up and decorated the Xmas tree….I really had no desire to do so because we’re going home for for Xmas and I don’t feel in the Christmassy mood!

Have a great weekend!

8:28 pm–so excited..some girlfriends made last minute plans to get together for drinks and go out dancing..YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to go back to bed!

Ok so we know that’s not going to happen so “suck it up Angela”..lol.

I don’t feel like eating breakfast this morning–this is probably not good..this is unusual..I just don’t have much of an appetite..oh dear..maybe i’ll have a clementine…SOMETHING!

I have to work today at 7:45..yes its fabulous i’ll be off at 4:15..but is it really worth it?? I’d love nothing more right now than to crawl back to bed with my flannels on..oh well. Having a fabulous cup of tea..to ‘try’ and wake me..lol.

This mornings weight..FINALLY back down to 142.5..my body can’t make up it’s mind of what it wants! I wish it were as simple as losing the weight and then the weight coming to a complete standstill–never changing..keep dreaming Angela..keep dreaming. Hopefully 142 will stay around for Friday when I weigh in. What have I been doing different..nothing much..just upped my water intake a LOT yesterday and I am going to try my hardest to keep on it.

Went to aqua-aerobics last night-my favourite instructor Mary is off for the entire month of December but the girl who is filling in for her was great too!!!! YAY…and she’s actually a very normal looking woman..lol..not all petite/extremely fit..but her energy level is amazing and apparently she teaches some other classes as well..hmmm….I like it that they have ‘normal’ /’average’ people teaching there…less intimidating!

Anyways I’m off to work–wish me luck..it’s been raining here so much lately that myself and the children are ‘house bound’ lol.

Angela

5:45..i’m such a wuss…forgot the public health nurse was coming to the daycare today to give “flu shots” to anyone who wanted one…my arm is so sore! Haven’t eaten supper yet..thinking of going to the mall and if i do i’ll get “extreme pita”..I love it but so darn expensive…11 something for a combo! Yikes…why does it cost so much to be healthy?????????

10:00pm…Man ol man…being skinny/small = CHEAP clothes!!! whoo hoo..Last weekend i bought a pair of high heel boots that come up high on my calves..YAY I can FINALLY get zippers done up on boots!!( I think I have aquafit to thank for that!!!) so I wanted a pair of short dressy pants (capris to wear with them) I found some at a store for 9.99!!! And a size 5…whoo hooooo!!!!! (Keep in mind they have a little stretch to them..lol..no buttons or zippers..a bonus!) So my boss takes all of her employees to a fancy shmancy Xmas brunch at a hotel so I think I am going to wear them with my boots and a nice dressy shirt!! I cannot wait!