Well I weighed myself this morning…reading 151.5….Feeling bloated and really gross…I drank two cups of this metamucil stuff last night so that might have been what bloated me…And it’s not even helping :-(.

So being up two lbs since last week I guess in my head I said “heck with it all” and basically didn’t care enough to put effort into having some sort of control.

I might as well admit everything to you all about how I basically FAILED today! Did fine all morning…Cooked the mac and cheese today for the kids…had a ‘forkful’..then another..another……..one just led to another…….however I didn’t actually get a plate and have some….I might as well of! THEN oh god it gets worse..time for the rice krispie cookies…so instead of one..I eat three very small ones..thinking that it’s basically the same…I am thinking I shouldn’t allow myself ANY because after the first bite it’s almost uncontrollable…I feel like having a full fledge ‘eat whatever’ I want day tomorrow to get it out of my system. I guess I went so long not allowing myself a whole lot that now when I do it’s beyond crazy! II hate this out of control feeling..I don’t want to gain any of that disgusting weight back…I think I need to sit and stare at some of my before pics..and write up some goals….

I know that I am going to have a gain tomorrow…that makes me feel depressed on top of the guilt that I’m already feeling..My boyfriend is coming home next week and I am dreading it…I shouldn’t dread seeing him because I am afraid of my own self control…I cannot force him to eat healthy..even though he barely complains if he does…but if he chooses not to then I just fear that I’ll give in as well.

Sorry everyone for making you all listen to my rant….I know a gain tomorrow will be MY own fault and no one elses so the only thing I can do is learn from it!

Ang

****8:25pm..ok so just got back from a  25 min speed walk…feeling MUCH better..a walk usually does..Realized it would be absolutely stupid for myself to go ‘crazy’ tomorrow and eat whatever….what would be the point really?? I’d probably feel even more guilty after…….also realized that just because today was a bad day doesn’t mean I have to make tomorrow a bad day as well…Sometimes I am gonna gain..its bound to happen..Just gotta get back at it and work even harder..I’ve come too damn far to just give up…I didn’t give up on myself 10, 8 and 6 months ago..so why now?