I’m on my way!

Joined another weight loss challenge on reddit.
I’m hoping this one goes a little better (well, a lot better) than the last.
I was losing weight but I back tracked, blah blah blah.

My birthday is in 12 days, and my goal is to be under 190. If you wanna get technical, I’d prefer to be under 189 since I’m pretty sure that’s what I weighed on my birthday last year. I weighed in at 196 today, so I’m not entirely sure that I can reach the goal, but I can sure as hell try.

I’m really excited that there is a new season of I Used to be Fat this week! I remember that being a big motivator for me last winter (at that point I was working out a lot and got down to 179 for about a half of a second, haha.)

I NEED to get back in the gym this week! I need to actually do it instead of talking about doing it. I’ve been eating well all weekend, so I’m going to keep that up and my goal is to burn at least 1000 calories this week from designated exercise (not just walking around and cleaning and stuff.)

I’m feeling excited again, which is good, because that’s the only thing that’s going to keep me on track right now. I’m trying to keep in mind all of the upcoming events that I want to look nice at. My birthday is the 21st, then Halloween, obviously. Nick’s brother is getting married Nov. 11th, Thanksgiving, my sisters birthday is the 26th, Christmas, New Years! I wanna make some progress!

I’m also taking some time off from work. I’ll be working with my roommate saturdays and sundays throughout October, and I’ll only be working the first friday in November. I really want to lose some weight before I go back so people be like dayumm. I wanna make anyone be like dayumm, haha.

School starts Wednesday! I don’t have class until Thursday, but I will definitely be going to the gym on wednesday. I have been so antsy to go.

I have definitely been off track lately, but I’ve done well the past couple of days and I am starting to look forward to a successful semester, all around.

Now, it’s bed time. Actually, bed time should have been about 6 hours ago, since I have to work in 5. Blahhhh.

I weighed this morning expecting to see a higher number than before my two days of not so perfect eating (Tuesday was bad, yesterday just wasn’t great) and to my surprise it was exactly the same as Tuesday morning! Yay! Now I know that if I eat well for the rest of the week I will still see a loss on Sunday! Work in a couple of hours, blahhhhhh. But oh well. Gotta do what I gotta do.

Maybe i’ll update later, maybe not.

*****

So, I got some photos developed from when we went to the water park. I had a waterproof camera so it took a freakin week because walmart doesn’t do inhouse film development anymore, they only do one hour on digital. Lame. But anyways, I’m going to post some crappy looking pictures to use as more motivation. I’ve lost about twenty five pounds, but I am still not happy with how I look at all. I’m not posting this to be all “eww, look how gross I am, I hate myself,” but just to see them here as a reminder of why I want to keep working towards a healthier, better looking me.

Somehow it’s been a long week, and it’s only Wednesday night. I’m working Thursday and Friday, then I’m off Saturday and Sunday because I’m going to my friends house warming party, then working Monday and Tuesday. I usually try to cram my work into the weekend so I can just bear it and get through and enjoy my four days off, but I’m starting Thursday so the week feels a little short.

It’s been an up and down week as far as weight loss efforts go. I ate very well on Monday and Nick and I bought a pull up bar to try.. P90X! We did the fit test, and I actually did okay on everything except the pull ups, ha. Oh, we don’t have weights yet, so we bypassed the curl ups, but I passed everything else.

We attempted to do the first day on Tuesday (Arms and Back) and uh… holy shit. We only made it through the first half because our arms were literally giving out when we were trying to do push ups. So many different kinds of push ups. It was BAD. Then we went to Cadi’s and swam for a bit. Then came my mistakes..

Olive Garden. On a VERY empty stomach. Dammit.
Salad, breadsticks, stuffed mushrooms, calamari, seafood portifino AND a daiquiri. Yeah, fail.

But there is nothing I can do now, except try to do better. I’ll be perfectly on track tomorrow and Friday. I will be drinking Saturday, but I’m going to try to control it and not let it lead to bad food decisions.

I am trying to stay in control of my emotions and not get that feeling that makes me want to give up. I can’t give up because I want this more than I even know I do.

I still hate what I see in pictures. I still hate how I feel in my clothes. I hate the number I see on the scale. I hate feeling heavy. I don’t want to be heavy anymore, so I have to take control of this NOW.

Back on the wagon tomorrow.

Ohh, and for the reddit challenge I’m doing, the host posts a chart ranking everyone’s percent loss.. out of 493 people, I ranked 46 for week one. Feels GREAT! Just have to keep going!

Good: I lost weight this week! 2.4 pounds! Which is great, considering I’ve been around 195.something for at least half of this week. So I was very excited to wake up to a loss to report on my weekly challenge. I’m down 7.4 pounds since I’ve refocused.

Bad: I nearly quit my job today. I just can’t stand it anymore. It’s damaging to my psyche, it really is. We now have a new manager with all of these ridiculous new rules and I just can’t make myself do it. Call me a snob, call me whatever, but I’m too good for this stupid job and I’m sick of being feeling degraded and i’m tired of listening to people bitch about me bruising their peaches or getting angry with me because their fucking Doritos rang up wrong. I just need to find something that better caters to my strengths and that pays me appropriately for what I have to offer. I need a grown up job.

This week I’m going job hunting, hard core.

I’m also going to try P90X this week, so uh.. wish me luck on that, haha.

It’s looking like bedtime to me. Night ladies.

(myfitnesspal.com: acevan2399) <<— let’s be friends.

Sunday, I weighed in at 195 for my weekly reddit challenge! Yes! I played tennis for about 30 minutes on Monday. I would have played longer but it was SO hot and humid I thought I was going to pass out so we decided to stop. Tuesday, I bought some groceries and some vitamins. Wednesday I went to White Water and we walked around and stood in lines all day. Also, there were a lot of huge flights of stairs we had to climb up to get to the tops of the slides. I had never been to a water park before, but we had a lot of fun. We also swam around in the wave pool and lazy river and stuff, so I felt like I got a good bit of exercise in. However, I did cancel all of it out and then some when we went to golden coral for dinner, after starving at the park all day because of our refusal to pay 45 dollars for a pizza and a drink. Definitely wasn’t making diet decisions. But I refuse to fret or even get upset about it. I’m taking things day by day.

Today I did okay. I went over a little in my calories but not enough to get upset over it. I’m working tomorrow so i’ll be distracted for a lot of the day. I expect the next 3 days to be great as far as food goes (and shitty as far as everything else, hah) Working at a grocery store is very bad for the psyche. Weekends just suck because I work all day, Nick sleeps all day, then by the time I get off of work he has already left for work or he is getting ready to. But oh well, that’s life I guess.

I already feel better physically than I have for months. It’s crazy what small changes can do for your energy levels and general motivation.

I really want to start doing P90X soon. I’m sure it will kill me, but I need to do something since I don’t have access to the gym until august 17th. I just want to do something drastic in terms of exercise, I need a kick start or something.

I’m about to fall asleep. Bed time.

I stepped on the scale the other night… 201.3 lbs. WHAT?? No fucking way.

It was at the end of the day and I had eaten dinner and stuff, so I figured I’m almost 200 again, and then I wanted to cry.

But instead of crying, I decided that I’m ready to do this (yes, again.)

And then, as I’m searching reddit, I discover a “Summer/Fall Weight Loss Challenge.” I have seen these on this site before but have always been too late to join. I started reading into it and I decided to join! 2 days before the deadline!

So yesterday I weighed myself in the morning, my first official weigh-in for the challenge. 197.4.

Rather than dwelling on how much I have gained, I am trying to get excited about how much I am going to lose. I’ve wasted enough time this summer. Although it’s almost over, I think that I can get back to where I was at the beginning of the summer, at least, by the start of school.

I’m hoping that this challenge will help me be accountable for my decisions.

I will use this site to of course blog about the continuation of my journey to a better me. I’m going to check in weekly on reddit, and I’m going to pick back up on my tickers and stuff here.

I’m excited. And so ready.

Note: I had dinner around 7 (a can of soup) and I’m hungry! But rather than rummaging my kitchen for a high-cal snack, I chose to blog. Accountability, accountability.

Because I haven’t done anything all summer. I’ve been so stressed and hit with so many obstacles to deal with that the only thing I’ve had to make myself “feel better” is junk food. But it isn’t making me feel better. It’s making me feel like a failure.

All school year, I kept saying, “WHEN I lose weight this summer.” I assured my friends that it was going to happen. There was no way that I wasn’t going to lose weight. Last summer I did so well, so I as of course, going to do well this summer. But so far, that isn’t the case at all.

If anything, I’ve gained weight. I’ve been avoiding the scale. I’ve definitely gained weight since my last weigh in on the site. A lot, actually.

I never thought I’d be one of the girls that loses weight and then gains it back.

I don’t want to be like that.

I just haven’t been active at all and I’ve been eating junk.
Work wears me out. I don’t have my car. Excuses. Excuses.

I’m sick of it. I’m soooo sick of it.

Thank you ladies, so much, for your supportive comments! It really was just what I’ve been needing! I just want to feel like someone is listening. I’ve looked at your blogs and I’m so impressed with the work that you’ve done! I’ll be following regularly so you, too, can always know that someone is reading. Also, thank you so much Grace, for your compliments on my picture. I was actually upset with all of the pictures from our hike and only put ones of my boyfriend up on facebook. It means a lot to know that I can put up my “bad” pictures on this site and know that I wont be judged for not being thin enough. Again, thank you.

Today was.. okay.

I weighed in at 182.2, which is actually great considering I had gotten back up as far as 187. (I don’t think I was actually 187, but eating all day and night before led to some pretty high next day weigh-ins.)

I wish that I could have taken my lower weigh in and let it lead to great choices all day. Instead, I made a few mistakes, but I’m not going to beat myself up too badly.

Mistake #1: I slept very late. Very, as in, 3 something. I didn’t eat anything until I went to dinner with some friends around 8. I suggested Applebees because I know that they have some pretty tasty under 550 meals. Well, because I was starving, I let temptation get the best of me and I ordered the chicken ravioli florentine (YUM.) I did skip appetizers, so I guess thats a plus 1 point? No? Okay, ha.

Mistake #2: Coldstone. Enough said.

Although I didn’t make the best choices, I did refrain from letting it ruin my day. I didn’t come home with the mindset that I ruined everything, that I can eat every bad food in the house and that I’m never going to lose another pound because I can’t even be happy with a steak dinner, I HAVE to have pasta. Although, I am really confused about why I couldn’t just order something off of the under 550 menu. I know that they taste good, I’ve had them. Am I THAT addicted to carbs and cream sauce? What’s the deal. Something tells me that if I can figure this out, things would be a lot easier.

I wish I could write all night, but unfortunately, classes start back tomorrow. Also starting back tomorrow — GYM VISITS. I was doing so well and just stopped going. Hopefully it wont be too hard getting back into routine. Wish me luck!

Night, ladies!

I’ve been pretty discouraged by the lack of support, or feedback in general, that I’ve received from this site. When I first started this blog last summer I felt like I was writing to someone. Given, I knew I was writing MOSTLY for myself, but I at least felt like there were a few people out there reading it. That was part of my motivation. Now, I feel like no one reads at all, and there definitely isn’t anyone that’s been thinking, “where’s andrea? why hasn’t she posted lately? how is she doing with this?”

I feel like that’s a large part of having a public blog rather than just keeping a private journal. Support. Accountability. Maybe it’s pathetic that I was relying so heavily on the support of strangers, but oh well. I just felt like you guys would know what I’m going through and help me along.

Now when I write, I feel like no one is listening. Yes, I’m whining, but again, can’t really help it. I’m just saying how I feel.

I’m trying to re-motivate myself and I’m having kind of a hard time. I’m going to try and start blogging more regularly again. Maybe that’s the problem — I don’t know.

I’ve been watching weight loss journey videos on youtube today, something that always gets me pumped up. Plus, the weather has been absolutely amazing lately! (also a great motivator.)

I’m stating to get that summer time make it happen attitude going and I’m ready to get this ball rolling again. I’m over 30 pounds down, so lets see if we can get 12 more off by the time school is out. April 28th is the last day of finals. There, Goal. Boom.

…. Let’s go!

(Picture from yesterday)