I love seeing new people here :)  I like making new friends and encouraging others who are going down this crazy, difficult, challenging, rewarding road with me.  If you are new, please, please, link your blog in your comment so I can stop by and say hello!

I feel like I’m having a pity party day.  I started feeling that way last night.  I keep asking myself what is wrong with me?  Maybe it’s because I feel ready to start dating again, but I have absolutely NO idea how to start.  I am much more prepared this second time around and know exactly what I am looking for, which I think is going to make it somehow more difficult, not easier.  I have already found my perfect man.  Unfortunately, he’s already married.  I just need science to catch up and clone him :D  It’s awful, but I had a dream about him last night.  I know, I know, I can’t control my dreams but I feel incredibly guilty when I wake up because HE IS MARRIED!  I know it’s just a “school girl crush” thing but I feel so crappy about it!  I would never, ever in a MILLION years act on it or let anyone know IRL (not even my best girlfriends!)!!!  I guess last night I was just feeling like there must be something wrong with me.  My ex left me for someone MUCH older and incredibly unattractive.  It really does a number on your self esteem.  I’ve been the chubby wife with a pretty face.  And his constant negativity towards me for 18 years did not help.  I am just having a bad day I guess :(

Today is another fast day.  I feel like I still need to empty out my system and flush out the toxins from anything crappy that I ate!  We weren’t able to get our lunch walk in yesterday because neither one of us were feeling well but I will be going today regardless if she’s able to accompany me.  My brain and heart and emotions are just a mess and I need to walk and have time to think and time to not think…does that even make sense?  My period is REALLY doing a number on me this time :(