The shapes of my life

Oh yes, I’m sitting on the couch again. I’m watching bad TV while writing on a blog. Ohhhh yeah, sounds bad, hm?

The difference is that I am actually couch-bound for a little because I’m icing my knee after finally hopping on the treadmill after ages!!!!

I had spent the night tossing and turning with my insomnia, bad mood, and paranoia about my knee hurting - I felt I could not find a position to not feel it straining and hurting. So I overslept… missed breakfast… missed the morning, basically. It seemed all set for disaster.

Before lunch I took all my integrators and things, and didn’t overdo it at lunch - boiled wheat with leftover chicken shredded with some olives, no oil added. It was actually a little dry, but I didn’t care. I had a coffee with skim milk, and waited for lunch to settle down.. and then went downstairs and broke up a sweat, followed by some abs & stretching!! I am very proud of myself!

I did not do as much as I used to on the treadmill, both in terms of time and speed, but with the knee already acting up I was afraid of overdoing it and then not being able to do anything else in the next few days. The first few days will be a precarious balance of exercising but not till the point of hurting my knee.  When I will have re-awakened my muscles around there, it should get better.

So now I’m here with my ice bag on my knee, which is just a little sore but I want to be very careful… so it’s ice time! It is also time for a snack, so I had the banana I would have had for breakfast, made into a smoothie with some soy milk and ice and sweetener… it’s also quite yummy!

I’m trying to drink more as well, so I made some mint green tea and some chai… it’s all in the fridge now. Before starting on that, I’m drinking 1lt of water with some other herbal stuff put in, which should help with excess water retention….

I have no clue of what dinner will be, but I’m glad I’m having a snack now because lunch didn’t really feel enough, and I don’t even want to think how much I would feel like eating by dinnertime without this little smoothie worked in.

So far so good… day one trying to be back on track.

Next thing I have to figure out, is how to bring down a computer to do some other exercise stuff - I have loads of exercise videos on a pen drive, but I need a computer to play them!

Ok, so it’s ages since I’ve been around the blog world and frankly, it’s because I’ve been a total over-eating couch potato. I know I’ve put some weight back on, I was horrified when I tried on some trousers and they didn’t really fit anymore. So I had been toying with the idea of getting back on an healthy kick trying to loose some of it back, but so far… I don’t know, maybe it’s some of my depression creeping back upon me, but food has been my only comfort.Which says a lot on my state of mind, because normally, when I care at least a little about myself, I at least feel slightly guilty for my bad eating. But recently I have not even felt that, as if I was not even worth trying to look and feel better… and my rational part knows that this is not good at all.

Anyway, I had a little bit of a wake-up call when a neighbor commented on the fact that it looks like I’ve gained back weight… I mean, I know it’s true and I feel bad about this, but hearing someone say it straight to your face is not particularly nice!! I tried to pretend I was not upset by that, but who am I trying to kid? I am upset, I feel like a revolting lump of fat with sore knees and no energy. Right now I feel like disappearing into this couch and forgetting about it all.

Can I pull myself together a little? I should. I think I’m doing well re: getting dressed, doing makeup, trying to look “nice” but now, sitting in my jazz pants from when I used to skate, a baggy long sleeved t-shirt I slept into, unmade face and crazy hair, I feel I have to work on my health and fitness… again. I’m going to ice my knee now because I did something wrong to it climbing on the roof of the garage to leave some food for that cute little shy stray cat that keeps coming… and I’ll go sort out my pills and stuff, all the things that seemed to help my poor knee… and plan my getting back on the cardio bandwagon. I know I can do it because I did it before. I am going to brew some tea to have instead of sodas. I will figure out my home gym tomorrow, when I really really hope that my knee will hurt less.

I am pretty upset right now, but I have to turn it into motivation, not yet another excuse to self-sabotage.

With no intention of going to the gym on a beautiful day as today, and without the courage to hop on the bike again after two days straight (ouch that saddle hurts!) so the solution was the park again, but for a walk with the dog. I avoided all the main roads and crossed all the fields, so walking was more challenging with the high grass, and my little Kyoko never allowed me to take a break… it was 1 hour and a half of walking at a very good pace in the grass and uneven terrains! So I think I am ok with my exercise for the day….

Food… uhm… I slept through breakfast once more, did a bit of gardening, the lunch was a semi disaster because my mother opted for some frozen cannelloni… I had a very little portion, and as I was still hungry, I had a couple of raw carrots with low fat goat soft cheese with wasabi…

I munched on some grapes, and drank more of that water + cucumber/mint combo…

After the walk, I was starving so I had a nectarine and two raw carrots with a bit of the low fat soft cheese…

dinner was some scrambled eggs with just a tiny bit of parmesan for flavour, and those boiled greens which go well with just lemon, salt and garlic… now I’m still sipping that water and cucumber stuff, and I’m soon off to bed.

Tomorrow morning I would like to go to the open air market, so the gym will have to be postponed… hmmm we’ll see. I am still toying with the idea of running a bit…

Apart from the fact that again I was in total insomnia so I slept through the morning, the rest of the day was ok. Lunch was easy - chicken from yesterday, in a cous cous salad. After a good good coffee, I went for another hour long bike ride in the park - it was perfect and sunny and I had a great time. Drank green tea, then diet coke… and now dinner is a veggie pie (the rest of the one I made yesterday). I feel good… and I’m toying to the idea of trying to run tomorrow - at the park I got a promotional copy of a runners’ magazine that’s actually run by the dad of a friend of mine… I think I’m ready for the week to come…

I don’t know if it was for the biking or my mood or what… but I surrendered to a HUGE chocolate craving making that delicious chocolate cake in a mug.  I should try to calculate how many calories are in there… but I was looking for snacks, snacks, and I wouldn’t stop… dinner was a spinach and ricotta veggie pie, then I had a nectarine… but my tummy was not happy. I tried waiting a bit, but still… I tried with a yogurt… no success. I wanted something sweet, comforting… I know I would have kept snacking and snacking so I just decided to give me  treat and call it a night. I won’t splurge in the weekend.  Now I feel my belly is just too full. urgh.  but no more snacking. And tomorrow I’ll be good. I’ll go to the park again with the bike… or the skates.. or the dog… whatever!

Oh yes, I’m totally dead right now. The weather was good - not too hot but nice, and I really was uninspired to go to the gym… I already knew it was highly probable that the pool would be too crowded again, and to go there for an hour of cardio…. felt very blah.

So I pumped up the wheels of my bike, and went to the nearby park. Being on the bike instead of my skates, I could go to the section that’s full of non-paved ways, and hills… I explored parts where I had never been before, and it was just lovely… but boy what a workout! I am soooo dead right now. One hill had such a bad incline that I even had to get down and walk pushing the bike, because it was too much!

I had the 75cl of water + sport minerals stuff I had prepared for the gym, and back at home a nectarine and some coconut water, and now I’ve cracked open the diet coke as a treat.

I’m sure I must have burned quite a bit of calories, with all those hills.. I was out for more than an hour.

Now I have to figure out what to make for dinner… I have no clue.

….and if you add that the friends you’re going to meet next week are world class athletes with incredible bodies, it’s not surprising that I’m feeling like  big blob of lazy fat.

Today started in all the wrong ways, with the water supply being cut off for works somewhere in the area, with no real warning - there was a warning for yesterday, but then nothing happened and we were waiting for a new announcement so no shower, coffee, breakfast… urgh.

So, as usual in the last few days, I didn’t go to the gym as planned, but I tidied up the house a little. I plan on going in the afternoon, possibly very soon after lunch if I manage to keep lunch very light. The only positive thing is that the living room looks much better now.

At some point the water returned so I had my coffee, and while I was in the kitchen tidied it up a little and put in the fridge the now cooled tea to have cold later (green tea w/mint and an indian chai). I had a banana just because it would have been my breakfast (made into a smoothie with soy milk) and was looking rather brown.

Ok now I know lunch will be a chicken breast, and possibly some salad.

I still have to work on choosing some outfits for next week, to look as good as possible meeting my friends… and someone I really hate too. After the gym I’ll try exploring the dephts of my closet….

ETA: lunch was chicken breast as expected, with two tomatoes sliced and seasoned w/ salt, pepper, garlic, oregano and the tiniest bit of olive oil I could manage. I’m drinking the rest of my morning coffee which I had not finished yet

yup! that’s all the energy I feel I have left right now. I started the day lazily again… had breakfast (banana+ soy milk, coffee+skim milk), and somehow didn’t go to the gym. Why? I don’t know!

Had lunch - minestrone (veggie soup) with a slice of toasted bread - another coffee and then finally dragged my butt to the gym. 45 mins on the elliptical, 10 min on a bike, 20 min on the treadmill, and some laps in the pool - I’m trying to increase the swimming time each time, this time was six more laps than last… had my usual 75cl water+sport integrator… and half the liter bottle of coconut milk… then a diet coke with a nectarine for a snack…

Dinner.. hmmm I’ll try to keep it good - veggies and some protein, and more of the green tea+mint…. I am soooooooooo tired right now!!!

ETA: dinner was a piece of salmon and steamed broccoli seasoned only with lemon juice, salt and garlic - no oil again! Only indulgence: a diet muesly bar that’s around 100cals… For the rest of the night, it’s green tea….

I was risking getting sidetracked again, but somehow pulled me back on track. Or almost.
Waking up earlòy and then oversleeping - bad.
Made lunch for my mum after she went to the dentist and was quite KO - a serious menace because all she felt eating was instant mashed potatoes which I made with milk, herb butter and tuna… came out very good, I had a couple of bites… but then I made myself a nice salad with soy sprouts and tuna.

Went to the gym eventually, did a bit of warm up and some abs, and then one hour on the elliptical. Wanted to go to the swimming pool, but it was so full that I just gave up - no chance of properly swimming there. Drank 1.5 liters of stuff in the process - water with the sport mineral replenisher and then green tea with mint.

Went to a nearby mall and had a tanning shower - that’s not a habit but I’m trying to polish my appearance a little before next week when I’ll be meeting lots of people and I want to look as good as I can - I can’t drop a million pounds in a night, so a little tan and some well chosen outfits (I’ll work on them in the next few days) will have to do. I am sooooo nervous about going back to the rink, it’s crazy.

DInner was a spinach soup with a bit of milk soaked bread in it (I should have avoided it, but really, it’s the only way to make it as it should be!), and more lean tinned meat with mustard. I’m on the second 75cl bottle of water with cucumber,lemon and mint pieces floating in… refreshing.

I have to get the gym bag ready for tomorrow, I want to try going in the morning to use the pool…

On saturday, after the post, I had a stupid row at home that threw me in a spiral of bad mood… it was awful. I ended up skipping dinner altogether, and lunch the day after. I had plans with a friend (dinner + movies) and eventually went out and had a little Indian food - but definitely didn’t go overboard - and a good night of laughing. That was really good because

Yesterday I was feeling better, but I still didn’t go to the gym… it was the first day in ages that the weather was cool enough, so I spent quite some time in the garden.

Foodwise, I woke up too late for breakfast, had steamed cauliflower w/balsamic for lunch and some lean tinned meat with mustard. Dinner was an hamburger patty and some boiled spinach seasoned with lemon salt and garlic. No oil again! And a nectarine for dessert.

Today I went back to my banana + soy milk smoothie (no more yogurt, though!) and a coffee… I might save the yogurth as a snack!

I went to the gym and did one hour on the elliptical, and some swimming. I want to try to swim more, I was dead after waaay too little laps.  In between the two, I drank water+ sport integrator while on the machine, and  some coconut water I saved from yesterday for a pick me up before jumping in the pool.

Lunch was grains + salad veggies + some tuna, and a coffee now.

In the afternoon I made some green tea to drink cold - no other sodas apart from the 1 diet coke I had with lunch and prepared more of the coconut water for tomorrow, and two bottles of water with cucumber slices, mint leaves and lemon…

For a snack (and because we’re melting down the freezer and this had to go!) I had a lemon granita… but it was too sweet for my liking.

Dinner should be aubergine, cooked in the oven without any seasoning, and then puréed in a blender with some oil, salt, garlic… and maybe some more salad…

I’m too tired now to write much…