So my butt was up at 0520 for workout. Did some kind of circuit thing. It was really tough, and I am sure I will be sore tomorrow. I spent all day yesterday lamenting over the weight gain. Poor me. I will do better though. Oh, and my knee was hurting!

I have been noticing however, small changes in my body. IDK if they are for real or not, or if I am just wishful thinking?

Well today was weigh in day. It didnt go as planned, and I cannot say that I am not disappointed. I gained 1.75 lbs. I am not quite sure where I went wrong, but I can probably guess. Maybe I didnt work as hard as I thought that I did. I have been slacking on my food journal, as it is not as easy as it could be to track calories. I am sure that That is likely where I went wrong. I found a new website called spark people that may help me keep on track better than my little book. The book is good for on the go, but its almost impractical? Im going to try and really push it this week to lose the weigh i gained and then some in order to catch up. Just sucks that I am disappointed, because I felt GOOD this weekend. What a bummer.

Thank you Liz for being there and supporting me. I really truly appreciate it!!

So at the gym today during team trinaing, I went to get up off my mat and twisted my knee! I am so disappointed! But I guess its one of the things I just have to work through and get stronger. Isnt it funny how you dont feel all that fat until you get to the gym? I know that I am a big girl, but I dont really feel it until I go to the gym… *sigh*, Hope it gets better…

But good news, I am 16th over all place out of like 40 or something in the competition… GO ME!!

So the week that I was sick and the cat was in the vet? i didn’t do so well that week. I lost ZERO lbs. Looking on the positive side though, I didn’t gain. But I didn’t lose either. Oh well. could be worse.

So I worked my butt off, and this week I lost 3.25!!! So that makes a total loss of 6.5# so far! I am now at 216.5!! I can tell it in my clothes for sure, which is a total relief, because i was dreading getting the next size up. I am 6.25 lbs from my mini goal! I’m So EXCITED! Now if I can only keep up the momentum!

I had a helluva week! At the beginning, like last Sunday, I got really sick with a head cold. Combine a head cold plus crappy immune system, and that means pure hell. I slept for like three days. I had a sore throat on top of that and I couldn’t even swallow. I lived off of chocolate fro-yo for three days. I think I am still recovering. The sickness threw off my Biggest Loser training big time, and it was really hard for me to get back on the wagon. I sure couldn’t have gotten back on without the support of my trainer, team mates and friends.

So Monday I had my weigh in and lost 3.75LBS!! I couldn’t celebrate because I was sicker than shit. I got giddy about it after I felt better.

The week went on and it was stressful at work because there was a trial in progress and my body was just crapping out on me. Then Friday my kitteh got really sick and is in the Vet hospital. I cried so much on Friday and couldn’t bowl (on league) or anything. I was a hot mess. Morrissey is okay and has been at the vet hospital all weekend. I hope he gets to come home tomorrow.

So yesterday we went to Fairy lake over by Bozeman. Freaking GORGEOUS!

We hiked all around the Lake. Its totally a camping spot next year for sure!!

So anywho- I did some hard cardio today and I totally hope to do okay with tomorrow’s weigh in. It wont be super because of all of my blocks, but next week will be better. Promise.

I have been doing so well! I have not really faltered since i have started this. Yesterday was the first time in a week that i had any sugar! I had a small handful of reeses pieces at the movie theater. I’m so proud of myself. I have kept my calories down and have not had fast food except for Subway the other day! I am sure I lost at least three lbs so far.

Heres a bummer tho. I have a head cold 🙁

So- on the 20th ( That was Monday), I started a Biggest Loser contest at my gym. I feel like that is almost a last resport for me in a sense. I need to get this weight off in order to get my health back in check and in line.

That day started off with an initial weigh in and fat measurement. I weigh in at 223#. That is my heaviest I think. I have 122# of “lean” weight and 100# of FAT weight! I came to the harsh realization that I am 100+ lbs more that what I weighed when I was in the Navy back in the late 90’s. How sad is that. Where did I let go???

My trainer is Liz, who also is a friend of mine and she works in the same building as me. It is nice to have a trainer who ios concerned about my health and will not let me “slip thru the cracks”. I think I have a chance here.

We did a “goal sheet” this week. Here is what I have:

73# to lose. I want to lose it by Valentines Day 2011. So the math is this: 12# a month for 6 months. That makes 3# a week. Do-able??

I weigh in every Monday. I am doing well so far I think and havent crashed yet. The fab chicas in my office wont let me fail… I ♥ them!

I am not sure if anyone even reads my blogs any more, since I took like a 6 month hiatus. A lot of things have changed since I made th last entry. The first and most important change about myself is the fact that I changed jobs in June. I finally “retired” as a police dispatcher after 7 long stressful years. I now work in the District Courts office, and the stress level chenge is immaculate. I have never been so happy. I also started a new anti- depressant that has changed a lot of things as well. I pretty much gained the weight back… (will get you a # later). BUT my outlook is so much sunnier. I am ready to begin. Monday is D-Day

So I weighed in last Friday, and I gained a lb. It was like 214 and change. *sigh*.

I know what is wrong. I have been extremely depressed and unhappy with so many things in my life. My job is terribly difficult, and i think i have mentally checked out. I applied for another job, but even that is so scary. I have been with my current job for seven years. It took two weeks to write up my resume because I didn’t know what to say. How do you sum up that much time on one piece of paper? Well, i eventually did it. My happiness to me means so much. Right now I would do just about anything to get it back. I bet if I got out of this stressful environment the lbs would drop off. Oh and its not the job, its certain people involved in it. I have tried ignoring them, but then I am told I am bitchy, uncooperative, snobby or anti-social. Obviously the fact that I am so badass at the job doesn’t matter. My evals were not based on my actual job performance, but my personality. How is that for professional. I have been in therapy for my issues and low low low low self confidence. my therapist wants me to get on anti depressants. I am going to get an appointment to see my doc on Friday. I used to be so confident and strong. Why did I let this happen? Oh yeah, to conform and save a job that I love so much. I love the job. strip away the bullshit and I love my job.

Had my weigh in today. 213.6. At least I haven’t gained a ton. i have been under some very intense stress, and i am hoping it all clears up soon and I can get going on my journey. I am sooooo sure that stress is not conducive to weight loss, and it is the enemy. but unfortunately at this point there is no escape from it.