The reason I’m still single… :) Let me know what you get?

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The Sonnet

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD)

The Sonnet

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They’re conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that’s okay, because you’re very choosy with your affections anyway. You’d absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You’re already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there’s no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

Your exact female opposite:

Genghis Khunt

Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD)

Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM)
Link: The Online Dating Persona Test | OkCupid - personals | Dating

Mini Setback # 1

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At my WW meeting last night, I walked in a bit sheepishly. I had earned 14 activity points last week - 14! - through kickboxing, running, dancing, elliptical machines and step. You would think I would lose this week, right?

 

WRONG. 

I also ate. A LOT. On Sunday, I made Biscuit and Chicken Gravy casserole. Which, according to my humble calculations, work out to about 15 points per serving…and i had two in one sitting. Two days in a row! So for 60 points, and 2 meals, in addition to my other regular food intake, I negated whatever good I could have done with the exercise. 

When will I ever learn!?

Oprah

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In recent times, I haven’t been interested in watching Oprah.Not that I have to connect every celebrity/character on TV to watch their show, I admit that one of the main reasons I haven’t been watching her show is because I feel she’s too far removed from my world, and the the way I think/act etc - I didn’t connect to the way she came across.

BUT have you seen this? Basically, Oprah has gained weight and is taking responsiblity. “”I’m embarrassed,” she writes. “I can’t believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I’m still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?’”"
Suddenly, I can connect with her again. :)

Week 4 completed on WW

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Just finished Week 4 (i.e., was my fifth weigh in) at WW. I am down 0.4lbs. *smirk* - so I’m basically down even again. I am slowly starting to come around to this idea. I know I’d embraced healthier living as part of my lifestyle last year, when I lost the 15 lbs. But slowly, that idea got eroded and as I gained back most of that weight this summer, it got harder for me to remember that.

I walked into WW a month ago, a little hopeful, a little fearful. But I went in anyway, and I prayed desperately, that I would be successful this time.My first meeting, I sat there, silent and wondering, would it work for me? How  will this time be different?

Week 2, I lost a little - about 1.4 lbs. The first thought that went through my head was, “Whoop-de-doo”. Great. People lose 5lbs+ and here I am meant to be grateful for a 1.4 lb loss? Ironically, the topic that weekend was managing our thoughts, curbing our negative thinking. I thought I understood what the WW leader was talking about, and yet, I came away from that meeting hungrier than ever. And felt guilty, sad and dejected about it.  In fact, the more I tried to block out my negative thoughts, the harder it was to remember that there is a silver lining to most things. Still, I perservered with the positive thinking, until I was exhausted with it. I went hiking and refused to cow down, at least in public. In private, however…
Week 3 saw a 0.6 lbs loss. The disappointment in myself was unbearable. What was the point of it all? WHAT WHAT WHAT was I DOING? I ate like eating was going otu of style. Then I saw myself in the mirror, and I cried. I noticed that I was starting to dread getting dressed, and going out in public. Those seven days were HORRIBLE. Seven days of binge eating. Seven days of self-loathing. Seven days of fake prep-talk.

I walked into Week 4 meeting knowing I had gained. I stood on the scale, and it turned out that I’d gained a pound. The kindness of my WW leader was somehow harder to bear. What? Forgive myself??? For pigging out? For binge eating KNOWING I wasn’t hungry, just because I was angry with myself and my life? I sat there, shamefaced, barely able to hear what they were talking about at the meeting. Part of me wanted to stop blogging, stop trying, stop it all.

But I didn’t.

I tried to watch what I ate. I managed to go to kickboxing class twice. I still didn’t manage to eat better though, not completely, but I ate a few more homecooked meals than previous weeks. I had my panicked moments, my dejected moments and my relieved moments.

Week 2 I had been upset that I’d only lost 1.4lbs.

Week 5, I was humbled by a mere 0.4lbs.

I don’t think it’s going to be easy for me, this weight loss journey. But it has to be done. I just need the gentle reminder now and then that I’m worth it.

One thing

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As suspected, I’d gained. As my WW leader said, it’s only a pound but considering I’d lost only 0.6lbs the week before, it’s still a 0.4lb net gain. F*&!. Oh well, it was hard to keep my morale up in a way, so I logged onto the 3fatchicks forum looking to vent. Sometimes you just want to hear some encouraging words by people who’re in the same boat.

But I’m “back” to being positive. I think. Don’t know for how long, but for now, I’m trying to be positive again. I gained. I’m dealing with it. I went to kickboxing once this past week. I have to try and go twice a week. It’s actually cardio kickboxing, so it doesn’t burn as much as real kickboxing does but it’s still better than nothing.

So next week, I’m committing to not eating at a fast food joint. If I want a burger, I’ll make it at home. If i want fries, I’ll bake them at home. If I want pizza, I’ll make it…well you get the idea :) Let’s see if I can make a difference by changing ONE THING.

nothing of consequence

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Went to the WW meeting last night. Down 0.6lbs. Yay? 

I eat out often. Lunches every day. Dinner at least 2/3 times a week. There are times when I’ll eat at home, but for the most part, it’s harder saying no to eating out. During the day, my co-workers all go out for lunch. I don’t want to be the one “left out”. So my option here is to make healthier choices. I know. Trust me, I know. I really really do. Sometimes, I’ll even order salads. Exciting stuff, those bowls of leaves.  But dinners - now dinners are a different story. Often I eat on the go because I have some sort of engagement - book club, open mike, concert, gym, talk, etc. Or it’s meeting up with a friend for dinner. I could just eat at home before or after the event, or carry snacks with me to tide me over until later in the evening…but often I’ll find myself grabbing something by the drive-through. *sigh* Still, baby steps, si?

The WW meeting talked about “Dancing it off” - basically adding movement to your lifestyle. The leader asked us to commit to moving a bit more. I already know that I won’t be able to go to my kickboxing class this week - I had a play-reading on Monday, and WW last night; tonight-Sunday I have to go to a friend’s house to feed her cat. I usually dont’ out of work until 6:30, and the class is at 7:15, and my friend’s house is out of the way from my usual route. There’s no way I’d make  it in time. Aah well. I think I’ll actually go to the gym tomorrow.

what a rambling post this was…

I’m back!

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AGAIN!

6 lbs heavier than before.

A little bit more motivated than I have been lately.

I need to stop “comfort eating”. Comfort, my &*^! There’s nothing comfortable about pigging out on high-fat, high-carb food that makes you gain weight, feel bloated later, and results in you looking out of condition.

HELPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

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Someone stop me from eating!!!!!

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The weight seems to be creeping up. The longer the number stays up, the quicker I lose motivation to stay on track. I know it’s meant to be a lifestyle change, but it feels more like a race, and I’m so far behind the starting line, that I’ll never manage to reach the finish line. I finished reading PastaQueen’s book, Half-Assed: A Weight Loss Memoir. It was very funny, and I liked her no-excuses, no-feeling sorry for herself attitude. I’d hoped some of that would rub off on me, and I thinkI almost managed for a few days. Now of course, I am trying to come to terms with the increasing weight, my rapidly disappearing neck and my ever expanding cheeks. I look like a mickey mouse balloon….

And we’re back to square one!

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So I’ve been journaling what I eat, as the experts recommend. I’ve also been to teh gym thrice the past week, as the experts recommend. I’ve watched what I eat, no seriously I have even though I may not have made the right decisions every meal; I’m making a conscious decision to up my protein, cutting back a bit on the refined carbs and just trying to be sa healthy as possible. As the experts recommend.

Explain the 2 pound gain to me then.

 What.THE.EFF?

Yikes! It’s the food trap again…!

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Talk about falling off the wagon. Again! It’s a startling and humbling realization that I am more dependent on food than I had realized. I have been eating non-stop - nonstop!!! - anything and everything in sight! I’ve had two dinners at times. I’ve eaten dinner-sized portions for dinner, lunch and breakfast. I am a food addict.

There. I said it. Mind you, it’s not as though I was in denial. I was unaware of being a food addict. All this time, I was convinced that I ate because I was sad, or depressed. That at times my weight was a reflection of my inner turmoil. And maybe it started off that way. But I realized today that I enjoy the process of eating too. That it’s comforting and wonderful. That I’m constantly attracted to, and craving, food.

Now if only I could be attracted to quality food. Like salads and fruits. Whole grain.

Instead, I’ve been wolfing down burgers, pizza slices and fettucine alfredo with breaded chicken as though they’re about to go out of style tomorrow! Which come to think of it, they ought to be….

So that’s it then folks! I start yet another weight loss journey! Stay tuned….!

Lunch Ideas

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It’s been quite a while since I updated. Work has been so very hectic, as has school - and all I seem to want to do when I get home is sleep! :) I can’t seem to resist the lure of chips and bread during lunch, but portion control has been good. Dinners have been healthier than lunches, so I signed up for a challenge with some other friends to try and brown bag lunch for all of March. So this weekend, I’ll sit and make a list of lunch ideas - healthy, and cheap options! :) Another requirement - I like having a warm meal. Cold sandwiches leave me…cold.I feel like I haven’t really eaten anything…so they’ll have to be things  can warm up in the microwave. Any suggestions?

Losing weight when you’re sick

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It was two weeks of flu, and now I’m down to 124.5! :) I guess some good comes out of coughing your lungs out :)

Sparkpeople

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I signed up on SparkPeople (again) today to help me keep focus. This is not the first time I’ve signed up on these websites. Weightwatchers, Sparkpeople, fitday….software tools designed to help me lose weight. Sparkpeople is probably the best one, if only for the motivational articles. I really like those…

 I weighed in at 125.5 - 2.5 lbs down from the last few weeks average. It’s been the only positive thing so far this year. I really hope that the year does NOT continue the way it started…I have realized how much of an emotional eater I am, and this week has had me running towards cheeseburgers, fries, scallopped potatoes and icecream. Not quite the healthy start I was looking for…

A prayer

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God, grant me the strength to rise above it all. The grace to avoid tangled situations, the heart to resist disloyal thoughts.

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 I feel I look more bloated these days. I’m starting to see a double chin again. It’s my fault entirely - I’m not relaly watching what I eat - my good choices are negated by the quantities I eat, my bad choices are compounded by the quantities I eat… both ways, I’m losing. Exercise - although I worked out 4 times last week, and have lost a pound so far, I feel bloated and out of shape. And I definitely look it, as well. SOoooooo… starting tomorrow:

  • Soda intake reduced to 2 a week, and that too - DIET versions
  • Cut down on the fries.
  • Salad and soup at least twice next week.
  • Kickboxing and/or running 2 miles every week day.

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The road to hell is paved with really good intentions! I had a horrid week in terms of food. BUT I had a good week of working out/walking everyday. End result? I haven’t lost a pound! Hopefully this will soon change. In terms of meetingmy goals from last week, I HAVE also been drinking more water and having at least dinners at home, as well as walking every day. But obviously my choices haven’t been the healthiest…A little stumped on how to motivate myself to start up again! I want to lose 5 pounds by October 28th!

‘But, you get the pizza and it’s not about the food, it’s about the camaraderie. Eating the pizza with friends..’ ~ Brendan Leonard

Filed Under Emotional eating, General | 215 Comments

The what: A week of indulging in all the old favourites.

The price: A gain of 3 lbs, lots of excellent memories with family and friends, and a realization that not all of my old favourite dishes make it to my current favourites list :)

Detailed analysis: A trip home after 8 months triggered a whirlwind of visits to all the old haunts: Montana’s, Spring Rolls, Tim Horton’s, Smitty’s, Boston Pizza, Richtree, Demetre’s etc. I couldn’t wait to have poutine, real bagels, real pizzas, tim horton’s ice cappuccinos and all the other delicious favourites that I hadn’t had for the past 8 months. It was fantastic! But the best part was not the food. I had missed the food, sure. However, what I realized was that it was the company that I missed more! I loved meeting up with the friends, and I noticed that I just fell into the old pattern of meeting at restaurants and cafes, and ordering “comfort food”   - cheesy garlic breads, chicken wings, fries. :( Hence the 3 lbs gain. I am letting it slide because I was there for only a week, and I now know that I am strong enough to start tomorrow with a clean slate and not continue down that road. What’s even more pleasing to me is that I did go running (once), ate smaller portions than I previously used to, and realized that some of my old favourites (which I absolutely couldn’t live without) are now in the “hey it’s nice to have a little bit every now and then” category :)

In the end, I am glad I went home. I am glad I did eat whatever I wanted to eat. I am glad I spent time with my friends and family.  And I am glad that I am now ready to lose the 3 lbs I gained, and the rest of the 5 lbs to my goal.