Week 4 completed on WW

Filed Under General | 5490 Comments

Just finished Week 4 (i.e., was my fifth weigh in) at WW. I am down 0.4lbs. *smirk* - so I’m basically down even again. I am slowly starting to come around to this idea. I know I’d embraced healthier living as part of my lifestyle last year, when I lost the 15 lbs. But slowly, that idea got eroded and as I gained back most of that weight this summer, it got harder for me to remember that.

I walked into WW a month ago, a little hopeful, a little fearful. But I went in anyway, and I prayed desperately, that I would be successful this time.My first meeting, I sat there, silent and wondering, would it work for me? How  will this time be different?

Week 2, I lost a little - about 1.4 lbs. The first thought that went through my head was, “Whoop-de-doo”. Great. People lose 5lbs+ and here I am meant to be grateful for a 1.4 lb loss? Ironically, the topic that weekend was managing our thoughts, curbing our negative thinking. I thought I understood what the WW leader was talking about, and yet, I came away from that meeting hungrier than ever. And felt guilty, sad and dejected about it.  In fact, the more I tried to block out my negative thoughts, the harder it was to remember that there is a silver lining to most things. Still, I perservered with the positive thinking, until I was exhausted with it. I went hiking and refused to cow down, at least in public. In private, however…
Week 3 saw a 0.6 lbs loss. The disappointment in myself was unbearable. What was the point of it all? WHAT WHAT WHAT was I DOING? I ate like eating was going otu of style. Then I saw myself in the mirror, and I cried. I noticed that I was starting to dread getting dressed, and going out in public. Those seven days were HORRIBLE. Seven days of binge eating. Seven days of self-loathing. Seven days of fake prep-talk.

I walked into Week 4 meeting knowing I had gained. I stood on the scale, and it turned out that I’d gained a pound. The kindness of my WW leader was somehow harder to bear. What? Forgive myself??? For pigging out? For binge eating KNOWING I wasn’t hungry, just because I was angry with myself and my life? I sat there, shamefaced, barely able to hear what they were talking about at the meeting. Part of me wanted to stop blogging, stop trying, stop it all.

But I didn’t.

I tried to watch what I ate. I managed to go to kickboxing class twice. I still didn’t manage to eat better though, not completely, but I ate a few more homecooked meals than previous weeks. I had my panicked moments, my dejected moments and my relieved moments.

Week 2 I had been upset that I’d only lost 1.4lbs.

Week 5, I was humbled by a mere 0.4lbs.

I don’t think it’s going to be easy for me, this weight loss journey. But it has to be done. I just need the gentle reminder now and then that I’m worth it.

One thing

Filed Under General | 3371 Comments

As suspected, I’d gained. As my WW leader said, it’s only a pound but considering I’d lost only 0.6lbs the week before, it’s still a 0.4lb net gain. F*&!. Oh well, it was hard to keep my morale up in a way, so I logged onto the 3fatchicks forum looking to vent. Sometimes you just want to hear some encouraging words by people who’re in the same boat.

But I’m “back” to being positive. I think. Don’t know for how long, but for now, I’m trying to be positive again. I gained. I’m dealing with it. I went to kickboxing once this past week. I have to try and go twice a week. It’s actually cardio kickboxing, so it doesn’t burn as much as real kickboxing does but it’s still better than nothing.

So next week, I’m committing to not eating at a fast food joint. If I want a burger, I’ll make it at home. If i want fries, I’ll bake them at home. If I want pizza, I’ll make it…well you get the idea :) Let’s see if I can make a difference by changing ONE THING.