Filed Under General | 359 Comments

 I feel I look more bloated these days. I’m starting to see a double chin again. It’s my fault entirely - I’m not relaly watching what I eat - my good choices are negated by the quantities I eat, my bad choices are compounded by the quantities I eat… both ways, I’m losing. Exercise - although I worked out 4 times last week, and have lost a pound so far, I feel bloated and out of shape. And I definitely look it, as well. SOoooooo… starting tomorrow:

  • Soda intake reduced to 2 a week, and that too - DIET versions
  • Cut down on the fries.
  • Salad and soup at least twice next week.
  • Kickboxing and/or running 2 miles every week day.

Filed Under General | 2440 Comments

The road to hell is paved with really good intentions! I had a horrid week in terms of food. BUT I had a good week of working out/walking everyday. End result? I haven’t lost a pound! Hopefully this will soon change. In terms of meetingmy goals from last week, I HAVE also been drinking more water and having at least dinners at home, as well as walking every day. But obviously my choices haven’t been the healthiest…A little stumped on how to motivate myself to start up again! I want to lose 5 pounds by October 28th!

‘Instead of giving myself reasons why I can’t, I give myself reasons why I can’ ~ Anonymous

Filed Under motivation | 322 Comments

A friend of mine wants to lose weight, and somehow reading that post on her blog rejuvenated my motivation. So I “dusted” off my lazy ass, and got onto the spreadsheet I’d created two weeks ago and revamped it a little. It was a disheartening to realize that today I’m 126, essentially the weight I’d reached back in JUNE! Which means this is now my stable weight. Granted, I’ll take 126 over the 140 I was 9 months ago, but still…

So anyway, where am I mentally this week? In a really calm place. The negative thoughts are still lurking but for once it’s listening to the “shut ups” I keep yelling out to them. I really do need to remember that if I devalue myself to others, no one is going to realize my worth. So I’m working hard in being seen, in being heard and most importantly, being remembered.

I wrote down the four main goals for this month that I want to try and achieve. Hopefully this will get me off this weight plateau I’ve reached.

  1. Drink water: the most basic rule of effective weight-loss strategies, and probably the hardest for me. I drink about 4 glasses of water per day (on average), but I want to increase that to at least 6 by September 30, 2007.
  2. Work out: while I’m running on Saturdays and doing track workouts on Tuesdays, I don’t do much else. In order to get the scale moving again, I have to increase the amount of calories I burn or decrease the amount of calories I intake. Exercising an additional 2 days a week will hopefully speed up the weight loss process for me.
  3. Journal and record progress: I built a spreadsheet to keep track of daily weigh-ins, and calorie-intake. It’s silly but it keeps me in check. This blog is another tool to help me lose weight too….just by being able to talk about all the thoughts in my head helps. I mean most of the time I’m whining but afterwards I feel better, and can usually stop myself from giving in to the temptation for Coke or ice cream or something equally hazardous to my health
  4. Eat out less: this one I have NO idea how to get a handle on. I always end up buying lunch - which usually translates to fast food or mexican. Dinner is often eaten out as well. Not good for the waist or the wallet because you get tempted into buying appetizer, entree AND dessert. Not to mention the drinks of course, soft or otherwise. Maybe I should look into making my own lunches….

There are plenty of other things I should be doing but let’s focus on these four goals for the rest of the month, and evalaute my position at the end of it. If it makes some positive changes, we can then see how to improve/add on to these goals! :)

‘Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it’ ~ Anonymous

Filed Under Discouraged moments | 7276 Comments

I came across this blog entry http://www.diet-blog.com/archives/2007/04/24/everyone_needs_fat_friends.php and I have to admit that lately I’ve felt like that…a friend of mine lost 30 lbs 2 years ago following a divorce, and it seems that guys now cannot get enough of her. When I go out with her, the treatment is different. First of all, every guy - and I mean EVERY guy, we meet all pursue her. I get treated better too, but at the end of the night, it’s her number they want. Guys are nice to me in the hopes of getting to her. And that’s if they notice me in the first place.

I know I consider myself ugly. I am working hard every day to think differently, but it’s HARD. I do know that the truth is somewhere in between - that people would think I’m beautiful if I thought of myself as beautiful (up to a point though…) but I can’t think I’m beautiful if no one else thinks it too… I’m stuck in this vicious cycle: people don’t think I’m beautiful/attractive, which makes me less confident and more bitter, and that makes me less attractive/beautiful…and so on…

I also know that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, that if people love you, you are beautiful to them. But how do I attract that person to want to get to know me enough to fall in love with me? If beauty is only skin deep, then why the heck do guys always go for the universally pretty one? And who wants beauty to be more than skin deep anyway? What do u want? Attractive, beautiful blood vessels? Intenstine?

How do I work on this? How do I convince myself that I’m beautiful and how do I convince YOU of it? I dont know if it makes me shallow, but for once, I don’t want to be the “other” friend. I want to be able to walk into a room, and be admired for ME. I want to be appreciated by strangers, just ONCE. Someone saying “hey, you’re so pretty” to ME. 

 ”Once you are real, you can’t be ugly . . . except to those who don’t understand”… seems like there are a lot of people who dont’ understand…

 But this is something I must remind myself. I read this beautiful passage by Khalil Gibran: Upon a day Beauty and Ugliness met on the shore of a sea. And they said to one another, “Let us bathe in the sea.” Then they disrobed and swam in the waters. And after a while Ugliness came back to shore and garmented himself with the garments of Beauty and walked his way. And Beauty too came out of the sea, and found not her raiment, and she was too shy to be naked, therefore she dressed herself with the raiment of Ugliness. And Beauty walked her way. And to this very day men and women mistake the one for the other. Yet some there are who have beheld the face of Beauty, and they know her notwithstanding her garments. And some there be who know the face of Ugliness, and the cloth conceals him not from their eyes.

Hopefully someday people will think I’m beautiful.