Back on WW

So I’ve done weight watchers at least 5 times now. It’s a good program and I believe it works if you’re motivated enough to really do it. Clearly my motivation has yet to see me through so I’m back. I’ve lost up to 38lbs previously on ww and really thought that would be my last battle. But I hit a pretty nasty plateau and never reached goal. I managed to maintain my weight for about a year. After that I began eating uncontrollably and secretively. This wasn’t my usual overeating. It was this compulsion to eat until it hurt. I hated myself afterwards (and during for that matter). This continued and grew more severe over the next 2 years. Eventually I found the name for what I was doing to myself: Binge eating disorder (leave it to me to develop the only eating disorder that makes you fatter). I’ve actually been back on weight watchers for about 9 months but didn’t get serious about it until about 4 months ago (shorty after my discovery that I’m a binge eater). Just facing that I have a problem has been a huge step in controlling my binges. The other thing that has helped is talking about it with friends. I allowed myself to binge by keeping it a secret because it was so shameful. Now I force myself to tell a friend every time i binge. I can’t say I just stopped overnight. I still binge about once a month. But it had reached about once a week or more previously, so it’s progress. I had great momentum (n.p.i.) on my weight loss throughout April, May and early June. At mid June I hit -25lbs and I’ve plateaued a bit since then. It’s not that I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. It’s that my motivation the make the right choice has been intermittent. So right now I’m at -22 lbs. Trying to get myself pumped up to go again.

291/266.8/155

Note: Sorry, I’m a horrible speller and sometimes forget to spellcheck. You’ll probably see that a lot in this blog. Also, 291 is my overall start weight, my WW start weight is 289.4