Wow, so I just stopped updating… 20 July 2013
So here’s the abbreviated version:
I captained a team that earned 3rd place in my company’s wellness competition. I won a vacation to San Diego for it. I felt like a badass. I felt invincible. I ran my first full mile, then my first mile and a half. I got under 225! I got REALLY tired and decided to take a week off from the gym. That week off from the gym turned into over 2 years off from all of it. I regained every pound, plus a few.
Now I’m back and just finished week 1 of WW (again) with a loss of 3.2 lbs. It takes everything in me not to list that as “3.2 lbs that I never should have gained in the first place.” I’ve never lost as much weight as I did back in 2008-2010, and I’ve never felt so certain that I would never gain it back. So I’m still dealing with a lot of anger towards myself for the fact that I did gain it all back. The fact that I gave up so easily when it was all going so well. The fact that there were several times when I told myself to STOP! That I was ruining everything and I need to get back on track while it’s still just 10… 20… 40… 60 pounds regained. But I had to take it all the way. I just had to see the number 300 on the scale before I could do something. I just had to wait until I felt like I’m living in the body of an 80 year old.
As I said, a LOT, of anger toward myself. I know that anger doesn’t get me anywhere. Today starts week 2, and I’m hoping to get my 5lb star at the end of the week. It’s gonna take a while, but I know as I start to see results, I’ll get excited about this again. But I won’t repeat the mistake of thinking I’m infallible.
SW: 299.6/CW: 296.4/ GW: 155