IN MY HAIR. Man oh man. I mean… I’ve had dandruff since I can remember, but this is just rediculous. I’ve tried MANY MANY shampoos for dandruff and some of them got rid of it for about a week or two, but nothing has worked. I asked my doctor what I should do and he gave me two names to try, I tried those and nothing.

I did a bunch of research on home remedies for dandruff. So far I’ve done an aloe treatment (aloe jell straight from the plant) and Apple cyder vinegar mixed with lemon juice and water (both directly on the scalp) That really reduced the amount of flakage I have going on up there. I’m going to continue with the apple cyder vinegar (because I don’t want to use up my whole aloe plant). Hopefully that works.

I also read about crushing up aspirin and putting it in your shampoo and using it as normal (leaving it in for two minutes though). It’s supposed to do wonders, so we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated just in case you or a friend wants to know how that works. If these home remedies don’t work I’m going to have to go see a dermatologist. I mean… this isn’t just a little flakey… this is like, full head don’t even have to scratch to have a snow storm.

I have gotten really good at hiding it though! It still sucks because I’m always wondering if a new storm has moved in. Self concious that people may notice. It’s the worst when I sleep at somebodies house because during the night some of the flakeys get loose and yeh… It just sucks all around.

On another note. My back is getting better. I went to play pool on friday with a friend, and I guess I really strained my back(bending at the waist repeatedly). I was fine until saturday afternoon I got up from doing my makeup and KABAMMM my back is all kinds of hurting. I was LIVID. My friend was throwing a party for her birthday at her house, and I could barely walk?!?!?! LAME… I went anyways ahaaha because I’m a trooper. I spent a lot of time sitting down at the party (like the whole time) WHICH SUCKS. I don’t think I’ve ever realized how much I like to be up and moving at a party until then. I still had an amazing time though. I drank TWO bottles of dry pink wine. And some pot to top it off. I was FEELING GOOOOOOOD. Everyone was.

It was the first time I really got to hang out with this friend outside of school and meet all of her friends and family. Apparently I gave off a really good impression (yes, even while drunk and high! score) because the next morning Jennas(my friend) mom looks at her and says “I really really like your friend kassie, we need to find her a nice boyfriend and add her to the family (everyone was sitting at the table having breakfast). I was for sure blushing. ahaha. Then they were discussing who I would go good with. It was awesome. Her family and friends have all been close since a young age, and I’m super envious of that. I really envy her, because she has such a close family and a lot of close friends.

I heard that after I left the mom looked at my friends brother (also a friend of mine) and goes “God alex, why don’t you date her!!!” ahaha. We’re totally NOT compatible as a couple though… I mean.. Just no. He’s definitely not my type.

Today my school went on a feild trip to the IMAX. It was the first time I’ve ever been to a real one. Its HUGEEEE. The movie was boring as hell (because it was a documentary and not an interesting one) But it was still nice to see such a big pretty picture!!! I used my new digital camera and snapped a bunch of pics of me and friends. Some of them turned out really well! Lovin the camera.

One of my friends from school is stressin me out hard. She’s addicted to pharmacy heroin (I don’t remember what the drug is called but you get it from the pharmacy for something, and it’s the equivelent of heroin. She doesn’t inject it by needle THANK GOD. She sniffs it). She’s in the girls group I told you guys about in previous threads. It’s so sad, and I wish I could just carry her on my back and make everything okay, because she’s such a great person. It’s a really tough thing. I don’t know what to do to help her other than lend an ear and tear to her. I want her to hit her rock bottom so she can finally get the help she needs. But her rock bottom might be 6 ft under. I have nightmares about her once in a while. I don’t remember what the dreams are about, but they basically imply my worry about her, and how much worse it could get before it gets better. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOO. All the ladies in the group are there for her, but she doesn’t want to get the help yet, and we can’t force her. It’s just driving me a little nuts. NUTS.

That is all.

P.S. If you like looking at pictures (especially ones that my posts are about) I have them in albums on my facebook. The IMAX pictures and the weekend party pictures are up in their own albums. Feel free to add me and check them out!!! Add Cassandra Crystal Hajjar

This is real. I am actually doing this. This isn’t just a test run, and it’s definitely not a joke. This morning when I got on the scale, everything became clear. Why I was doing this, why I wasn’t failing. I have lost 20 pounds since Nov. 17th.  It feels, AMAZING. I know I’ve lost more than that, because I started eating healthy at least three weeks before getting the scale.

I never knew that doing this was going to make me feel so good. I have more confidence. I don’t really care how other people may percieve me as much as I did before. The pictures where I don’t look flattering stay on my facebook tagged pics now, because soon I’m not going to have to worry about it. Soon, all of those pictures are going to symbolize all the work I’ve done.

EWWWW. I got these pictures FINALLY from a friend who works in the photolab. They’re pictures of me at my highest weight ever. Camping this summer, wearing a tube top and a bathingsuit skirt… OH DEAR LORD. Let’s just say PRIME example of before pictures. lol

Wowza…. ahahaha And there you have it. Three hundred and something lbs of goodness.

NEVER AGAIN.

My mom is making my favorite meal to celebrate. MACARONI AND CHEESE. Hahaha. That’s the devils food. I told her to put a bunch of meat balls in it so I wouldn’t be eating TOO MUCH pasta. But I deserve it.  CAN I GET AN AMEN? ahaha

I’m going to my friends house for her birthday, it’s going to be REALLY REALLY FUN. A house full of friends is always a good time in my humble oppinion. I can’t wait. This to me is also like me celebrating losing 20 lbs. I just am not the one throwing the party! ahaha. I might even let loose and eat some fobidden food. But NOT out of control, just a little helping of chips, and a small piece of cake if there is any. 

P.S. check pictures page at the top of my blog,  for latest pictures.

That is all.

Last night I downloaded the “Bollywood Dance Workout”. It is so much fun, not only did it have me up and moving, but I was having lots of fun doing. Before I knew it, I was way to tired to continue. I thought to myself… Wow this is really a hard workout, I thought it had been about ten minutes. NOPE. I was going for 25 whole minutes (and earlier on I was on the elliptical for 12 minutes). I can’t wait until I’m a pro bollywood dancer. Their music and dance moves are SO fun! LOVE IT, LOVE IT, LOVE IT!

I’ve been failing miserably about drinking enough water, averaging 2 bottles a day… MUST WORK HARDER. I’m going to get some crystal light. Might be a couple calories, but I’m sure the fact that I’ll be drinking enough water then, will make up for it.

I made a delicious salad today, lettuce, carrots, cauliflower, little bit of cheese, chopped onions, with cubed chicken breast, with ranch dressing.

That is all.

I can’t believe I didn’t fit this into my other post, because I was so super excited. I re-measured myself today! Here is what my results were.

• Hips -  Started at 58.5. Currently 56.5!
• Waist - Started at 46.5. Currently 44!
• Arm (measurement half way between shoulder and elbow) Went from 15.5 to 15. (measure that because I hate my big flabby arms=[ )
• Neck around - started at 16.5. Currently 16!
• Boobs - started at 55. Currently 52.5!
• Ass( I forgot to measure when I first started) so from dec.17 till now went from 56, to 55.

I didn’t know so little weight would make such a difference. All that from only 16 lbs:D

As I am sure you all know, today is the first day of 2009. I have just gotten over my bronchitis, and the asthma I apparently have, is not bothering me at all. I woke up and got on the scale, after a night of drinking and then drinking water to rehydrate, I expected to see the scale go up a pound or three. The scale read 299, the same as it did yesterday morning. Which has to be a good thing. Because of all the dancing I did last night, and the fact that I didn’t feel like dying after an hour of it, let me know that I was now ready to get back onto my elliptical. I only made it for 12 minutes, but you have to start somewhere don’tcha! This is the start of a new year, MY YEAR.

Last night, NYE was probably the most fun I have had in… a super long time. My friend invited me over to her sisters house. There was about 8 of us. I can honestly say that her sister and I are pretty much on the same level when it comes to crazy, outgoing, loud people. We hit it off better than I did with anybody in a long time. We all did a lot of dancing, and drinking, and I smoked some weed (so I didn’t have to drink as much as I would need to really have a good time. Weed makes the alcohol more intense, therefor taking in less calories! I know I know.. I said I wasn’t going to smoke weed because of the effect it has, like making me eat and lazy, but at a party, there’s no fridge to rummage, and no being lazy!) The whole night was really fun. At about 12:01 though, the sister and her boyfriend got into a HUGE FIGHT. There was a lot of screaming coming from upstairs, and banging, then her boyfriend came down with a bag packed ready to leave. OY VEY. What a way to start off the New Year. Long story short though, he came back inside after the GF was in the laneway fighting with him for a bit, and we all left at around 12:30. Like I said though, before the fight… this is the most fun I’ve had in FOREVER. I’ll add some pictures to the bottom of this post, although I’m not in them because I was the one with the camera, oh well!

My New Year Resolutions

(more like new life)

1. Eat as healthy as possible. Allow few treats, but just enough to keep me on track and happy.
2. Exercise, EVERY DAY. Unless otherwise possible (too sick, not at home).
   
3. Drink water. I can’t stress this enough.
4. Lose at least, AT LEAST 50 lbs.
5. Do the best I can at school.
6. Keep a positive attitude.
7. NEVER GIVE UP!
8. Be Happy.

You can’t tell, but by this point, we had all the lights off and the strobe light going!

Last night, I was making plans to go to a kegger with this guy I hardly know(we went to school together breifly). I was feeling a bit like I didn’t want to go, but the only reason I gave myself was that I was too lazy, and I don’t want to be the girl who watched life pass her by because she was too lazy to go out, IT’S NEW YEARS EVE AFTER ALL! So we made all the plans and it was set.

Over the next couple of hours though… I started to really get these weird feelings. The best way I can describe them is anxiety. I started worrying that I didn’t have a nice enough outfit, that I’m not slim enough, I’m not pretty enough, what if his friends don’t like me, what if they judge me because I’m fat… The list is long. I’m a social butterfly, and if my friends were to describe me they would describe me as the confident, outgoing one. So where are all of these feelings coming from?

Maybe it was just intuition, and subconciously I had to come up with excuses to not go… I doubt it. Maybe my insecurities are coming out more, now that I know that my weight is a real problem and I’m trying to fix it. I don’t have problems going out in public though and holding my head high, and thinking I look pretty…

In any case, my friend called me to go to a party at her sisters house, so I’m kind of glad I decided, and told him I wasn’t going.

I’m down to 299 again this morning. Seeing a lower number on the scale is always a nice way to start off my day:)

Wishing everybody a Happy New Year!

That is all.

301 today… Water retention? Or drunk 12am sandwich with pork, cream cheese, and a bit of butter and garlic. lol. In all fairness (to myself) I had only eaten two meals that day because I woke up late. So I had breakfast I guess around 12pm, snack of an apple and then a couple pickles a bit after that around 2 or 3. “Lunch” I had around 5:10. Started drinking pretty early. And when I got home I had that sandwich. So I really shouldn’t feel guilty about eating at 12am (especially since I stayed up until 4). The only part I feel guilty about is the carbs. But I didn’t put myself on a restrictive diet for a reason, I don’t want to cut out anything altogether.

My neighbor, as expected was munching on a bag of plain potato chips all night. She said sorry a couple times (but I know she’s addicted to them so I didn’t blame her). I told her it was fine, and that it didn’t bother me. Did it bother me though? Not really, I mean… I looked at them every now and then, because they were calling me name and it’s rude not to answer. But I told them to shut the fuck up or I would crush them to a pulp and they stopped.

I think my goal today is going to be to drink water.. How much water should I be drinking anyways. They say 8 glasses. Does one glass of water contain 1 cup measured? Let me google. . . Well this looks pretty accurate… I guess? They did ask a lot of questions…

http://nutrition.about.com/library/blwatercalculator.htm

A person who is 301 pounds
and is exercising for 0 minutes ,
is not pregnant,
is not breastfeeding,
does not live at a high altitude,
does not live in a dry climate,
drinks 0 alcoholic drink(s),
when the weather is not very hot or very cold,
and is not sick with fever or diarrhea should have:

150.5 ounces of water today, or 4.5 liters.
If you eat a healthy diet, about 20 percent of your water may come from the foods you eat. If you eat a healthy diet you can drink 120.4 ounces of water today, or 3.6 liters.

Now just figuring out how to get that much water without having to measure by the ounce. lol I need a liter bottle…

Whatever was causing my bronchitis seems to have been cured by those crappy (and I mean that literally) anti-biotics I was taking. Now I just have to deal with the asthma aspect. I’ve never had asthma before… I can’t wait to start exercising again but right now, I get out of breath walking across the room…SUP WITH THAT?! Maybe I’ll start exercising when school starts back up on the 5th. I usually have an easier time keeping to a schedule when I go to school.

That is all.

have I been playing with my boobs so much…. lol just tugging at the extra skin (I have lost like 3 inches on my bust…) making it wrinkle… flopping, bouncing… HAHAH I just can’t stop. My nipple even get’s all funny looking now when it’s at attention…. I am not looking forward to what my boobs will be doing in a couple more months… Perhaps I will actually be able to throw them over my shoulder like a continental soldier… then when I hear kids in the park singing the song, I can run up to them and be like “WHY YES, YES I CAN THROW THEM OVER MY SHOULDER!”

That is all.

P.S. I invite you all to check out my new pages up there ^ labeled jokes, pictures, and stats.

I have been siting at 300 for 3 days now, after seeing 298…. It’s not driving me completely bananas… But I just can’t wait to see that 298 again