Getting close to 50!!!!

43 Lbs lost. WOOT. I’m getting a bike so I can start biking outside in the good weather 😀

Not much else to report on, been a boring ass time. lol

Sorry I haven’t been writing.

I have lost 35 lbs, and my scale is broken since friday, but yeh… 35 lbs:D ahaha. I’m finally taking nutrition in school now, hopefully it will teach me a bunch of stuff. So far all I’ve been learning about is measuring and tools etc.

I have been doing pretty well with the eating. Although I find myself allowing things I didn’t use to eat before, all in moderation of course. I still don’t eat fast food or junk, but I’ve been having bagels with cream cheese in the morning, and pizza once in a while. I’m still losing so it’s not horrible.

I haven’t been working out every day either, I am finding it really hard to get back into the habit of doing it every day. But that’s my goal right now. I worked out yesterday on the elliptical and it was some hard work.

I had my heart broken…. its a long story that I’m not going to bother writing until it has a happy ending (which im convinced it is going to). Drama Drama! urgh.

So yeh, all in all I’m doing well in case any of you got worried or anything. Sorry if I let you down by not keeping up the writing as i used to.

P.S. added pictures to progress and photo editing:D check em out!

That is all <3

I wouldn’t say I fell off the wagon…

It was more of a hanging on for dear life with my feat dragging going 120 km/h. I was losing my willpower but still had a little bit. Enough to not binge on anything… but not enough to watch my portions and be proud of what I was doing. The whole not exercising thing was REALLY getting to me.

Today I started my day off in a bad mood because my aunt picked a fight with me this morning because she was in a bad mood, WOOT. Then I came home and sat around and got bored so I played with photoshop. I was sitting there wondering what I should do when I get a text seemingly from an angel. My friend was like, “I just worked out and it feels so good!!!” and I’m like… DUDE, YOU TOTALLY JUST MADE MY DAY!!! without hesitation I set up my computer and put on my dance video, changed clothes and danced for 25 WHOLE MINUTES. I wanted to cry and puke but I didn’t. lol. It hurt ssooo good.

I’m back in action ladies and gentlemen!!! I didn’t over eat today for dinner either. My mom served me and as usual she put WAY TOO MUCH food on the plate. I stopped eating after half of it. I was comfortable.

Feels soooo good to be able to get back to exercising. This is really what I needed. My weight loss had slowed down (probably because of my 4 day birthday “binge”. Not totally a binge, but i definitely over ate at the chinese buffet, had chips (which I had not had in ages). Drank a LOT of whiskey (about 1/3 a 60 oz bottle) with diet coke (pop which I don’t drink anymore) and went to mc donalds hammered and ordered a bagel mc muffin thing and AN EXTRA HASH BROWN (puke) then I topped it all off with extra mayo!!!! BARF AND A HALF! And there’s more but I won’t list them. lol

Am I the only one who has become MORE insecure about their bodies now that they’re actually improving them??? It’s like I can’t fathom the idea of a man seeing me naked (was not an issue in the past). It’s not like I want to go sleeping with whomever. But I mean, where’s the logic in that?? Shouldn’t I be more willing to get naked in front of somebody since I’m changing for the better? Weirdoooo.

Man… have you ever had to repeatedly be around somebody who more often than not smelled like body odor? It SUCKS. This girl in my class who invited herself to my table of friends one day and never left, always smells bad. There’s no way you can tell this person without hurting their feelings, which is not my goal obviously.. But I really don’t know if I will be able to sit around her every day BLERG.

That is all.

Happy Freaking Birthday!!!!

So, I’m officially legal in Ontario! What does this mean??? This means I can do everything I’ve already been doing for 3 years… only now I can do it LEGALLY!!!! I have to be honest… it’s not much better! It’s probably better doing it with fake ID… More dangerous DUN DUN DUNNNN ahaha.

So far today has been AWESOME! This morning in the breakfast room at school, about 5 people sang Happy Birthday to me, and the principal heard it was my birthday, and sang me happy birthday over the P.A. (which by the way, I have NEVER heard her do!!!Ever!) So that was really sweet! This girl I hardly know or really talk to but we have friends in common, brough me this DELICIOUS tart with a bunch of fruits on top… and I definitely ate it, but I don’t feel guilty. lol. This beautiful BEAUTIFUL tiny girl with a big voice got her friend to come to my class with her and beat box while she sang me happy birthday… That had to be the most beautiful Happy Birthday I have ever heard.  I got a lot of hugs and a couple cards, and 25 people wished me happy birthday on Facebook so far! I’m not going to lie, this is one of the best birthdays I’ve had (and I’m not even partying!).

Back in the day I used to sulk and feel sorry for myself because I would never get anything big or nice for my birthday. Or never had a big party.. And I always lacked the big circle of friends that I saw other people had. And I used to just feel sorry for myself a lot (I grew out of that when I was about 16).  I’m just so excited. I can’t even believe im 19… I just don’t understand. I know I’m mature enough to be my age, but I don’t feel like I should be. Probably just because I’m not where most 19 year olds would be. Done highschool and in college and have a drivers lisence… I’m not complaining, just saying it’s weird.

Oh.. I didn’t mention, but as of yesterday, I OFFICIALLY have lost 30 WHOLE LBS. That’s right folks. Feels goooooood! To put that into perspective…….

I’ve lost one of those. Hahaha. I lost a fish from my ass.

My mom took my to the Chinese buffet yesterday for my birthday. I’m not going to lie, I did eat like.. a plate more of food than I usually would. But I planned on it…. Do I plan that just so I don’t feel guilty for doing it when it’s done? I think not. It was more of a ” I am doing so well, and only turn 19 once, so eff it!” I’m not going to lie… The buffet wasn’t as good as it is during lunch, but it was still YUMMY!!!!

OH OH OH, I can’t forget this little tidbit of news… A really REALLLLLY Gorgeous/sexy man is coming to take me for a drive to smoke a birthday blunt with him tonight. Omg hot hot hot. Yeh… The game plan for this guy is (or any guy)… They have to wait to have sex with me until we’re in a relationship, and not just like “Okay we’re going out let’s bang” I want it to MEAN something you know? I’m tired of having sex for no reason.

OMG that reminds me, you think you know somebody so well, and they go behind your back and stab you. This girl I was best friends with for a while before she moved to denmark, told this guy that I introduced her to(they dated for about a year) that, and I quote “Kassie slept with near 100 guys” SAY WHAT???? At least now I don’t feel bad that he likes me and we may even get together if he ends up moving to canada (he’s born and raised in Ireland, and has the best accent ever!) That won’t be for at least a year though, since he has a surgery scheduled in 8 months and needs time for recovery (on his jaw).  Also, she made no effort like I did to keep in touch with me. They broke up because she’s very abusive and an all around bitch (go figure). I ran into her mom two weeks ago (her and the guy came for the summer to live with her mom) Her mom told me that Alan was such a great guy, a really amazing guy, and Cassie is just so mean to him and treats him like shit, and he deserves better. Coming from her own mom… Maybe her mom is a bitch for saying it, but it’s not like she would lie right??

Anyways, sorry for rambling!!!!

That is all.

Not too much

There’s not a whole lot going on right now. I’ve been doing a lot of sitting around and playing poker online. Been totally anti social lately. My back still hurts, and I feel like I can’t do anything about it:(. I just want it to stop you know. So I can get back to losing weight.

My birthday is in three days and I have nothing planned. I’ll be turning 19.

My mom convinced me I may be having a stroke.

Don’t worry though… I’m alive and well. All the symptoms I had were not related, and were just a series of unfortunate events. ( for more info on the ordeal look up the thread “stroke information?” It was a little scary though. And I did get t3’s for my back out of the whole ordeal so I guess it was worth it. They didn’t make me wait as long as everybody else since it could have been serious!

What the hell else was I going to write about again???……. Curse this memory of mine. Oh yes, I have lost 27 lbs now, HIGH FIVE! Thats in 11 weeks. Feeling pretty good about an average of 2.45 lbs a week.  I just wish I could be exercising too. I might have been up to like 25 minutes on the elliptical by now if it wasn’t for my luck with my health these days. Oh well, I’m staying positive. 27 Pounds is super amazing.

Omg omg omg. I think somebody up top was trying to compensate me for all the waiting around for nothing I did today! I went to shoppers to pick up my perscription with my mom and she wanted to get me my Birthday present (makeup because that’s what I told her I wanted). They were having a clearence sale on a line that was being discontinued (I was like… yeh I bet that stuff is good, psh) turns out, it was AWESOME. The woman who showed me the bins said it was 75% off, and I was like SWEET. Then at the cash the girl said 50%. I told her no no, the lady in the makeup department said 75… so that means you have to give it to me for 75 right, she called the woman and the woman said yes (SWEET!!!!) So for 37 dollars I got

  1. Amazingly soft blush/bronzer brush
  2. Really nice bristle eye shadow brush
  3. 30 ML smooth hydrating foundation in my color
  4. Light pink lip gloss (not that great)
  5. A dark pink tinted lipgoss (freaking amazing)
  6. Double sided eye liner black and silver (shiny)
  7. Shimmery dark blue eye shadow (goes on awesome)
  8. Loose powder shimmery pink eye shadow (goes on smooth)
  9. Clear squeez lipgloss
  10. Now this is the very best part of it all. There was this liquid eye liner in light aqua that I had my eye on since last month. My mom said she would get it for me for my birthday. It was 20 dollars, but it was just that amazing that I would have bought it for such a high price. The lady at the cash, put it in at 75% discount with the other stuff, so I got it for FIVE DOLLARS. Can  I get a hell yeh.

I love makeup… so this was just like, AMAZING. I am extremely happy that going to the emergency room got me all of this. lol

That is all.


So I went to Addition Elle to replace a bra that has broken in 4 different places (inlcuding the wonderful metal jabbing my tit and armpit!!!) The woman told me that happened because the bra didn’t fit properly. So she said she would exchange it this time, but next time she wouldn’t. I told her I never really know my proper size (which btw was apparently an H since she said the bra was too small and it was a G! She might have been wrong) ANYWHO. She told me that somebody could measure me and I said OKAY:D! I told her I recently just lost a bunch of weight so they’re definitely going to be smaller…. Uh yeh!!! I’m currently wearing a 44d! Although, I tried on other bras and in the other styles I was a dd… this one, I’M A D. My back is probably loving me, although I’m hating it (it still hurts a lot -is sad-).

Moving on… I told myself that I wasn’t going to buy any shirts or pants unless they were under 15 dollars… I LIED. I saw this REALLY really nice shirt WITH SLEEVES!!!!(I don’t wear sleeveless shirts because I hate my flappy arms) It was 20 dollars marked down from 50 so I obviously didn’t have a choice in the matter, it had to be bought. They only had a 1X. I thought… well if it doesn’t fit, I’ll surely shrink into it.

Major muffin top, but WHATEVER. It fits it fits it fits. lol Note the two gold chains holding the hole together, great feature. I love it. I wore it to my friend Jenna’s party last night. Which was a blast as usual. Drank two bottles of wine… HOLY SMOKES I was feeling no pain… No, that’s a lie. I was feeling a lot of pain. My back was KILLING me. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing me complain about it but WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Making doctors appointment soon. ASAP.

My best friend is awesome. It’s been a really long time since I’ve connected with somebody as closely as I do with her. I could tell her anything and that’s a really big deal. She’s awesome.

I feel like my weightloss has halted to a stop even though my official weigh in day isn’t until tomorrow and I didn’t weigh myself this morning. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow.

Really wanting to be able to exercise. BLERG.

That is all.

Juvenile Rantage.

Friends… They’re supposed to have your back. They’re supposed to be nice people. You’re not friends with these people because they look nice or smell nice. You’re friends with them because you think you guys will care for each other, and watch out for each other, and have fun. RIIIIIIIIIIGHT..

I specifically told a friend of mine that goes to my school, that I like this guy Ryan. She was all “omg that’s so cute, you guys would make the cutest couple ever! You should totally go for him!” Well, he wasn’t single, so I obviously didn’t go after him. He recently becomes single, and I’m like “okay, this is my chance!” APPARENTLY NOT. Because who should be hanging off his arm, and hanging around him with her big blue flirty eyes all day every day… YEH. My FRIEND.

At first, I was pissed off. Pissed off mostly because a “friend” of mine who knows I like somebody, is clearly trying to get with him and win his effection with her perfect little body, and her perfect blue eyes, and not that great hair. Then I was pissed off because I actually thougt he might like me ( two incidents between us had happened to suggest so in a rather strong way), but I was not willing to get into competition with that other girl. I’m not a cat fight kind of girl, and definitely not one who tries to get with a guy in competition.

I’m pretty sure he likes her now because of a couple of things I’ve noticed. Which is fine, it’s not like I can control who he’s going to like. So I’ve really just decided to let them have each other, because he’s a nice guy, and other than this incident, she’s a pretty nice girl too. OH WELL. I’ll find somebody someday, what the rush. I just can’t believe somebody I considered a friend did that to me, knowing I had a thing for him, and knowing it was my chance.

I should know better, because growing up, for some reason I have always had crappy friends like that. You know the ones…. The ones that would drop you for a tootsi roll.

That is all. URGH

Rollin’ rollin’ rollinnnnn’…

Rollin off the LBS! Well.. I don’t recall myself doing anyting much different this week, or last week. Probably my body just being nice to me I guess. Since January 5th until today January 17th, I’ve lost 7 whole pounds. That’s right! 7 pounds in 12 days. Thanks body, I really needed to see that on the scale. It’s so much encouragement!

Not to mention how I recently discovered that my posting on 3FC actually encourages others. That has to be one of the biggest compliments I’ve recieved. Just knowing that in some way shape or form, anything I say could, and does help out others, makes me want to succeed that much more.  I not only want to do this for myself, I want to do this for everyone else who may get encouragement from me. I knew 3fc was a very encouraging site, I didn’t know I might have been a tiny piece of that encouragement. This excites me!

My back is doing a bit better today. I can’t wait until it’s at 100% and I can start working out again!

This is the last straw. I need to take some SERIOUS action on this water drinking thing. I am failing miserably on that aspect of this whole new lifestyle. MUST DRINK WATER!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

That is all.

P.S. I don’t want drugs.

I hope my period is coming

because then there would be an explanation as to why I’m feeling the way I am. I am on the verge of tears.

My back stopped getting better, and started getting worse. It hurts even while I’m just sitting there, and all I want to do is be able to exercise. I’m really depressed and feeling low. I don’t feel like I’m doing as good with my diet as I have been, even though I haven’t been eating anything wrong. My mom likes to make rice with dinner, and I don’t want to eat it because in my mind this isn’t in a good diet.

Yeh I’ve lost 20 lbs but I have a feeling that I’m not going to be able to keep up the pace. Where are these feelings coming from. Is it just because I can’t exercise, or am I slowly starting to lose the reasons of why I want to do this. That can’t be it because I know why. It’s hard to tell you how I’m really feeling right now, because I can’t even explain it to myself.

I just want to curl up into a ball and not be alive right now. I want to really just let myself go and have a good cry, but my room is ICE COLD because my aunt closes my door so that her selfish ass can have a little more heat(we live in the country and have wood stoves as heaters). I just open it an hour before going to bed, even though my room will still be cold by then. So I don’t want to go freeze in my room just to cry, and I can’t cry where I am cuz my mom is always in this room. I’m getting a headache from holding back the tears.

I want drugs.

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