It’s our goal to lose weight, not gain it. BUT what about the control I need to keep on track? I am dedicated for 3 months, and as soon as I meet a mini-goal I go off plan. So, here I am 3 months after meeting my mini goal, and exactly the same weight I was. SURE I haven’t gained anything. BUT REALLY? I could just kick myself for not staying on track to keep losing weight. If I would have I know I would be at least 15 pounds lighter. I have no one to blame but myself.
So…how to I keep my control over myself? What does one do?
I have been exercising like a good girl, but not watching my calories at all!!! I started back up this week, and know that I will reach my next mini goal, but I am just so disappointed in myself.
Time to pick myself up, dust myself off and move on, right? But what happens when I reach my next mini goal, then just get right back here again.
I am always conscious of my calories, but stopped logging the information. Which then, I must ask myself…how conscious am I of those calories? Cause if I logged I KNOW I would be losing. So back to logging I go.
I fully believe in my calorie counting, but I find it to be a hassle somedays. But in the end, planning & dedication is what will work. I can lose & gain control when I feel I am where I want to be, right?
Well, here I am again! Overweight. I have struggled with my weight essentially all my life. As a child, I was the pudgy girl, then my mom went on a diet and took our whole household with her. So, I entered Junior high at a normal weight for a 5 foot, 12 year old girl. By the end of high school, I had gained some weight, but not considered over weight. Through my 20’s I gradually gained weight, and in March of 2004, was at my highest ever of 209 pounds. (I am 5’4″ – Healthy weight is 115 -145).
I was living with two other girls at the time, one was well over 350 pounds, while the other was about my size & weight. The “other” is now my best friend Mandy. The larger roommate’s sister joined Curves and asked us all to join with her. Mandy & I jumped on the wagon and never looked back. By March of 2005 (our goal deadline, for our trip to Vegas), we both were some HOT Mama’s!! I had gotten down to 164, size 12 (almost 10) jeans, and was loving every minute of it. (I will go back through pictures, and try to create a visual timeline).
AH! And what happens when a single gal feels good about herself, looks good in her own eye, and sends this confidence into the universe??? She meets a man..*DU DU DUUUUUU* Ah, my Jeff. It was a love affair for many years, and finally stuck in March of 2005!! He is a larger guy, big broad shoulders, bit of a belly, and stubborn as a mule (as most men are)!
Nonetheless from March of 2005 to November of 2007 (a wedding I was in) I got up to 187. In my head, I am thinking, I got this under control! I only gained 25 pounds, I can take it back off in about 6 – 9 months! I can do this. I realize now my first issue was that I say ONLY 25 pounds!! Easy to put on, HELL to take off!
From November 2007 to December of 2009, I had reached my highest weight ever ~ 226. I could almost cry thinking about it! I refused to buy clothes to fit that size, so I would just constantly wear the same thing over & over & over. I was extremely unhappy with myself.
On NYE of 09, going into January of 2010, Jeff FINALLY proposed. The wedding is set for September 10, 2011, which gave me 1 year and 9 months to get my booty in shape, and get down to at least 150 (still 5 pounds over what is considered healthy for my height). So, I started exercising, but not necessarily dieting and by May of 2009 was down to only 217. From May – July I calorie counted and got down to 196. After July, I just lost sight of what I was doing, and was like “Eh, I got over a year to go, I’m good.” I need someone to kick me when I assume all is well when it comes to my weight loss!
As of January 1st I was back up to 206, 10 pounds in 6 months! But January also brought something else ~ Insight. I am not dieting, I am changing. I have goals, I can reach them with focus & determination. I need to look forward and know that I can make the changes necessary!
Calorie counting & daily exercise is my way of life now, and once I reach my goal weight I can reassess…but for now it’s what I must do to reach my short & long term goals. Change isn’t always bad, unless you perceive it that way!
Here’s to 2011, and a SKINNY BRIDE!!!