Just another 3fatchicks.com weblog

Recent goings on… I’ve been diligently working both Weight Watchers (on my own) and the Beck Diet Solution. I’m learning to cook healthy, whole food based vegetarian food, thanks to Jillian Michael’s Master Your Metabolism. I swear, that book has changed the way I look at and deal with food forever. I’ve cut out soda entirely, and coffee almost entirely (I plan to switch to organic green tea). I buy organic food as much as possible on my very limited budget, and even when I can’t, I try to buy the closest thing to whole food that I can find. That is, the less ingredients, the better. I’ve cut out added sugar and as much included sugar as possible. Same with salt. I’m learning about using spices and condiments to make food more exciting. It’s a great (but REALLY scary) book, and I can’t recommend it enough.

Injured my sacroiliac joint (a little one in the hip that makes a big difference!) which has been making exercise VERY painful. I try my best to walk every day, even if it’s for five minutes, but sometimes it’s hard. This particular joint, when it’s flared up, can irritate all kinds of nerves, throw off the main hip joint, and cause sciatica-like pain that shoots all the way down the leg. OUCH! I start PT on Friday, so I’m hoping they can help me alleviate the pain enough so that I can exercise. I also want to find out things that I absolutely SHOULDN’T do so I can build an appropriate yoga practice for it.

It’s a beautiful spring day, and I’m happy to be alive for a change! Hope everyone is well.

April 13th, 2010 at 10:25 am | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

Of course, the healthy goal is: FIVE POUNDS (done 20 times overall). But here are some of the other goals I have on my reminder cards:

* 10 lbs. = 265
* 10% EXPUNGED! = 27 Pounds = 248 Pounds
* Feeding America Pound For Pound Challenge (June 30) = 30 Pounds = 245
* End of 2010 Goal = 76 Pounds = 199 Pounds ONEDERLAND!
* 100 Pound Goal (5 Pounds 20 Times!) = 175 (I haven’t been that small since I was in my mid-20’s!)

Ultimate Healthy BMI Goal = 120 Pounds Expunged = 140 Pounds (Don’t think I’ve ever weighed that!)

April 12th, 2010 at 10:45 am | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

I said I just restarted last week, but technically, I’ve been weighing in and tracking for three weeks, so I’ll put the record here.

Current Weight: 268 (-7) YAY!
Week 2: 275 (+8)
Start Weight: 267

Kind of confusing, huh. Hm. I’m wondering if I should just call April 1 week one?

I don’t really care that much. What really makes me happy is kicking that 7 pounds to the curb even though I couldn’t exercise. Yay! I’m actually going to try to go for a walk tomorrow if the rain will let up for more than five minutes! I have to take it easy so I don’t hurt my hip even more. That’s all I need.

April 9th, 2010 at 5:23 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

It’s cliche for a reason, you know. For the past year or more, I’ve been dealing with my psychological health to the detriment of my physical health. Unfortunately, that has meant adding new medication that cause weight gain. I look down at the scale at my therapist’s office one day (March 30, 2010, to be exact), and I am at the highest weight I have ever been in my life.

Thankfully, I was with my therapist when I got the news, so we could address my feelings and what I was going to do about them, right away. Also, what I was going to do since I’m suffering from sacroiliac injury right now that makes my usual exercise impossible. So at the very least, I can start again getting serious about good nutrition (within the structure of good, old fashioned WW Flex) and work on the emotional component of my weight issues while I work on recovering from my hip problem.

AND SO. LOL. Here I am, back on the 3FC wagon! I need the support, I need the focus, and I need the education while I engage in this struggle.

I’m starting at 275 pounds. Programs I’m working with include: You: On a Diet, Jillian Anderson’s Master Your Metabolism (I’m cleaning up my diet as well as working toward weight loss), the aforementioned WW Flex Plan, and all of that backed up by The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck. The Cognitive Behavioral Therapy of the Beck Solution forces me to be mindful of my relationship to and emotions about food. I can’t recommend it enough! There’s also a group on 3FC, if you’re interested.

So far, I’ve actually been having fun experimenting with new, healthy whole foods instead of the old “diet” processed foods I used to automatically go to. Other important diet changes I’ve made:

*Cut out Soda entirely — according to Jillian’s book, people who drink diet soda are more prone to metabolic syndrome. The chemicals and artificial sweeteners mess with your hormones and mess up your ability to lose weight. For me, this was a MAJOR problem. I have been a diet soda addict since diet soda still had saccharine in it! Does anybody remember TAB? That was my first diet soda, and I drank gallons of it up until I first read Jillian’s book back in February. I don’t know if it’s done any good, but it can’t hurt, right? The less chemicals in my system, the better — especially since I’m on so many medications.
*Cut down to ONE small cup of coffee a day — and I’m hoping to change that to green tea when I can work up the gumption. 😀
* Cut out White flour, sugar, rice, pasta, and other baked products made with bleached or enriched flour — if it isn’t 100% whole grain, I don’t eat it. I also try for organic whenever possible, but that’s tough because of my budget.
* REALLY work to reach my goals of 5 fruits and veggies and 4 whole grains per day
* REALLY work to reach my goal of at least 48 oz. of water per day
* Write down EVERYTHING I eat, no matter how small, healthy, or “inconsequential” — they all count!

There are so many hurdles on this journey for me. My physical and emotional health can really get in my way, making a tough path even tougher. I’ve got to try and blog here as often as I can so I can get some of what’s going on out of my head and share with others.

Wish me luck!

(And for those of you familiar with the Beck Plan — CREDIT MOI!)

April 8th, 2010 at 9:23 am | Comments & Trackbacks (1) | Permalink

Ladies and… well probably mostly ladies… I am happy to announce that I MET MY FIRST GOAL TODAY! *dances* It’s not my official weigh in day, but with my new meds I’m concerned more than ever about weight gain. So far *knock on wood* I’ve lost SIX POUNDS! YAY!

First Goal: FIVE POUNDS! W00t!

Thanksgiving Goal: 10lbs! Over halfway there!

Long Term Goal – Slow and Steady, baby!

Very pleased with my progress today. I’ll do my weekly roundup tomorrow, but I just wanted to celebrate (heh — first I typed “celibate” – Freudian slip again!) all over the place! 😀

October 18th, 2009 at 2:08 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

(I wonder if it was a Freudian slip that I first titled this post “Overaters Anonymous” — like, over-rated. Heh.)

I want to start by making clear that I am not anti-12 step programs. I know several people — one of them a beloved member of my family, whose lives were literally saved by their involvement with these groups. However, since I’ve begun dealing with my own Compulsive Eating Disorder, I’m encouraged at least once or twice a day to join my local OA. I politely decline, simply telling them it’s not my scene. They generally give me a funny look, then leave it alone. Some push a little harder.

But I wanted to look at why exactly I don’t like 12 Step Programs for myself (and why I can’t wholeheartedly suggest them for others, although I certainly wouldn’t discourage someone who thought they could be helped that way), because I have considered OA a number of times. Especially in my area, where mental health care of any kind is almost non-existent (I’m on a VERY long waiting list just for general counseling!) and help for Eating Disorders (even anorexia) are LITERALLY non-existent. For the first time, I want to sit down and think through why just reading the 12 steps repulses me.

Of course, someone beat me to it. A “Feminist” argument referenced in the Wikipedia Article about OA:

OA has been the target of feminist criticism for encouraging bulimic and binge eating women to accept powerlessness over food. Feminists criticize that the perception of powerlessness adversely affects women’s ongoing struggle for empowerment. Similarly, teaching people they are powerless is liable to encourage passivity and prevent binge eaters and bulimics from developing coping skills. These effects would be most devastating for women who have suffered oppression, distress, and self-hatred. In these criticisms Twelve Step programs are described as inherently male organizations that force female members to accept self-abasement, powerlessness, external focus, and rejection of responsibility inherent — qualities attributed to male religion and politics. Surrender is described as invoking images of women passively submitting their lives to male doctors, teachers, and ministers. Alternatively, they suggest that women would do better to focus on pride rather than on humility.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overeaters_Anonymous#Criticism

This sums up a lot of it for me. Let’s look at the steps themselves:

1. We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable.

While I can definitely say my life has become unmanageable, I really object at the concept (as they noted above) that I am powerless over anything in my life. There is nothing I can’t overcome with will and whatever resources I need. To say you’re powerless is essentially to say that you’re not responsible, that you can’t change — which directly contradicts other parts of the steps.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

First, “sanity” is a word extremely fraught with meaning. A compulsive eater is not “insane.” I am not “crazy,” I have psychological and physical health problems that need addressing. And here we are again with the idea that we don’t have the power to make changes in our life — something outside of us does. The feminist criticisms above make note of this and how it ties in to the ages old oppression of women.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

No. My will is my will, my life is my responsibility. And did I mention that I don’t believe in the existence of any kind of anthropomorphized diety? I don’t believe the creative force of the universe is in any way comprehensible to our limited human brains. At best I can be considered an agnostic, because I believe we just don’t know what the creative power of the universe is, if anything. This alone makes the 12 steps inappropriate for me to consider. I don’t believe in turning my will and life over to anyone or anything, let alone something that doesn’t exist.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

This sounds like blaming the sick person — having an eating disorder is not a moral weakness or character flaw.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

This may be applicable to other kinds of addicts, but I don’t believe it applies to people with eating disorders. Of course, it’s imperative to be open and honest about your problems, but a 12 step program isn’t the only place that can happen. I recommend a medical professional and a good friend, for a start.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

See number 4. Really? Defects of character? Is my Crohn’s Disease are result of weak character as well?

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Same thing again.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Again, not applicable.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

N/A.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

I do believe very strongly in prayer, meditation and yoga as part of any recovery from any kind of illness. Self-knowledge and stress relief are invaluable. I don’t have a problem with other people’s spirituality — I believe prayer and meditation are ultimately the same thing, with a different mental focus.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to compulsive overeaters and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I have issues with proselytizing and evangelical movements as a rule. If you run into someone who needs help, you should suggest they see a doctor first, not a self-help group.

The rest sort of build on the earliest ideas. I think the 12 steps blame the person who needs help for their medical and/or psychological issues, while at the same time insisting they give up all responsibility for their own fate — since they obviously can’t be trusted with it. It also leaves a culty aftertaste in my mouth. I dated a guy when I was in college who was in AA, and I can’t tell you how annoying, insulting, and just downright offensive it was to be constantly awash in judgement and bludgeoned over the head with pithy little sayings and quote upon quote upon quote from some book or another. Not only his own recovery, but mine too, since because I was dating him, I was automatically “Co-dependent” and needed my own 12 step program. It was a bigger turn off to a program that already offended me on a philosophical level.

So if OA works for you, that’s fantastic. What I’ve said above might have offended you, and I apologize for that. But these are some of the reasons why this group IS NOT right for me.

October 14th, 2009 at 6:31 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (2) | Permalink

I always forget to post here, but I really want to get into the habit of “talking” every day about this struggle I’m going through.

Some positive thinking is in order.

Starting Wt (9/28/09): 258
10/05/09: 257 (-1)
10/12/09: 253.5 (-3.5)

Total pounds EXPUNGED: 4.5

  • Short term goal: 5 lbs — NO TIME LIMIT — only .5 to go!
  • Thanksgiving Goal: 10 lbs.
  • 10% Goal: 25 lbs.
  • Long Term Goal: 199 lbs. (59 lbs) by November 1, 2010 (woops!)

I like these ticky thingies… 😀

Long Term Goal

October 12th, 2009 at 8:56 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (1) | Permalink

My dad had to go to the hospital at 4 am this morning. He had been having trouble breathing all night long, and it got to the point where he couldn’t draw enough breath to speak before he woke my mother and told her. The ambulance came quickly once I called 911, and they were off to the hospital.

I’m Daddy’s Girl, without a doubt. My dad is my bud, and though we’re not close emotionally — we don’t talk about personal things much — we are always there to shore one another up, especially in the face of my mom’s issues. But Dad has always had serious health problems. He had the same open heart surgery that I did, only he was 14 the first time. It was a ground breaking surgery back then. He’s since had the same defect fixed, but he continues to suffer from congestive heart failure. In addition, he is diabetic, and has prostate cancer, though with treatment he is in remission. He is under constant stress as the only breadwinner in our home, and my mother doesn’t make it any easier by her desire to control everything. We’re a messed up family, and my dad, the peacemaker, ends up in the middle of it, taking the brunt of it. But he rarely complains, and he is always there.

It reminds me that he is not going to live forever, and it reminds me that everyone’s time is short, and that I need to take action on things today, because there might not be a tomorrow. He’s going to be fine, I’m sure of it, but it’s still food for thought (so to speak) and I hope it will give my entire family something to think about, and finally start taking our health seriously as a unit as well as a group of individuals.

Funny thing? I don’t really feel like eating. I made myself have my breakfast shake and a granola bar, but other than that, I don’t feel hungry. Weird.

♥Love you, daddy. Get better quick.♥

October 4th, 2009 at 6:34 am | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

I had one of those nights last night. My pain medication sometimes sends me into what I call a twilight sleep, where my body is relaxed, and I’m mostly asleep, but my consciousness is still fully active. It’s a sensation like floating on the edge of sleep all night, without actually feeling rested. I took a short nap this afternoon, but I’m ready to go to bed now. In fact, after I’m done with this, I think that’s exactly what I’ll do. I promised my mother I would do her Peggy Campy Yoga For the Rest of Us DVD with her in the morning, which means getting up a half hour earlier than usual. I’ll take the Ambien my doctor prescribed tonight (which I’ve been resisting) just to make sure I get that eight hours solid sleep I need, CPAP and all.

Emotionally, I’m still feeling down, but not quite as deeply mired in it as I was a few days ago. That could partly be the sleep, partly the pain medication. I still don’t feel fully functional, though. I can deal with the depression, it’s the anxiety that I can’t handle. Feeling like I want to crawl out of my skin is not a nice feeling. I need to get some kind of exercise every day, because that does help at least for a while.

Food wise, I did over eat a bit tonight, but there was no bingeing, and it was healthy food. I’m trying not to focus on some arbitrary thing like points goal or calories, but rather trying to work on listening to my body to see whether it’s hungry and why it wants to eat. I’m pretty full now after my snack (Today’s food: http://fatsecret.com/Diary.aspx?pa=fj&dt=14518&id=149565), but not sick as I have been making myself in the past couple of weeks. Of course, a big part of that could be that there’s no junk food in the house, nothing “good” to snack on. There’s no guarantee that my on/off switch is working any better than it was if those trigger foods are around. Honestly, though, I’d rather not be tested right now. I need to start feeling some kind of balance again before I can really face these issues and do the work that needs to be done.

I need to focus on the basics and let the rest work itself out for now.

October 1st, 2009 at 9:25 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (0) | Permalink

From Karen at Muffin Fixation! http://muffinfixation.blogspot.com/2009/09/perfect-fall-day-muffins.html

Perfect Fall Day Muffins

You should know: I do NOT like sweet potatoes! Never have. These muffins, though, are absolutely divine. They smell and taste like a perfect fall day … hence, the name. I made the original batch using paper liners but in the future will use non-stick spray (or silicone) so every last crumb of muffiny goodness gets in the mouth and not on the paper.

Ingredients

15oz can Royal Prince Orange Pineapple Sweet Potatoes, drained
8oz can Dole Crushed Pineapple, drained
1/3 cup Ocean Spray Craisins dried cranberries
4 packets Splenda w/ Fiber
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 Tablespoon vanilla
1 pack Cornbread & Muffin Mix (we used Pamela’s 12 oz bag)
3/4 cup skim milk
1/2 cup EggBeaters Original
Directions
Preheat oven to 350. Prepare muffin tins (makes 18 normal sized).
In bowl mash together sweet potatoes, pineapple, Splenda, cinnamon, pie spice and vanilla until well blended. Stir in cornbread mix, milk, eggs and Craisins. Scoop into muffin cups.
Bake for 25-30 minutes.
Nutrition Per Muffin
123 calories
0 fat
0 cholesterol
200mg sodium
28g carbohydrates
2g fiber
2g protein
~
= 2 WW Flex Points!
September 30th, 2009 at 7:41 pm | Comments & Trackbacks (1) | Permalink