UGH!!!  I didn’t even have it within myself to write anything yesterday.  After a super successful week of super dedication, I undid ALL (yes, ALL) of my hard work on the weekend.  I DID stick to my point range and used my “flex points” toward libations.  I had two long nights of going out and the weight gain on Monday morning was maddening! 

So, I’m back again and am really only posting this entry so I can go back and reread it EVERY Friday when I will be going out that weekend in a drinking/party environment.

SO, SO, SO NOT worth it!

I’m feeling good today and determined to get through the next 146 days!  Last night was tricky for me because it was my weekly date night with my boyfriend but we stayed in and I decided to spend my remaining daily POINTS on Merlot.  I even banked 2 Activity POINTS which was nice.  The gym kicked my ass yesterday and I felt super lightheaded afterward.  I guess it’s just an adjustment period.

Tonight will be challenging for me because I’m going to a friend’s birthday dinner at a new Greek restaurant and the menu looks fab.  I know cheese and wine will be covering the table and olive oil and bread and I know I’m at a point where I can no longer instantly gratify myself.  I didn’t weigh myself this morning because I wasn’t at home but know if I even look too long at Saganaki, I will gain weight.  So, tonight will be my first REAL challenge in a social environment and I just need to think about how I made excuses in the past to eat all of that food and am now dealing with the repercussions of my poor choices.  I’m determined to resist temptation…at least solid temptation.  I am forecasting some wine in tonight’s future and at 2:20, I have 15 points left for the day, am skipping out on the gym today because I’m in desperate need for a pedicure so I won’t have any Activity POINTS to use and not really sure I want to dip into my FLEX POINTS.  The only thing on the menu I can eat is Greek salad and I’m positive its laden with olive oil and fattening feta.  I guess I’ll ask for the dressing on the side and enjoy some wine.

I’ve realized with proper planning, diet sabotage is completely unexcusable.  PLUS…I’m totally sick of being fat.  Food isn’t worth feeling disgusting all day long.

They say there are only two inevitable things in life, death and taxes.  There are three for me…I will always struggle with my weight.

I don’t “accept” this fact as a negative one but more of the reality.  I’m no stranger to the diet roller coaster, I’m a frequent rider.  Starvation, “a bagel a day”, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Dr. Phil, South Beach, Master Cleanse, soup diets, Hydroxycut, TrimSpa, Hoodia, Alli, years of Phentermine use…I feel like I’ve done it all.  My weight has been a constant yo-yo and I’m constantly “dieting” to maintain.

Three years ago, I was 18 lbs from my goal weight and today am 40 lbs from my goal weight.  I like to blame “brie and wine” for my 22 lb gain over the last few years…maybe I think it sounds like I’ve gained the weight in a “classier” way. ;)  But as I go through each day CONSTANTLY thinking about my weight and my disgust over it, I realize the “brie and wine” excuse isn’t cutting it anymore and the 3-4 hours a week I’m spending in the gym sweating my ass off isn’t either…so I’m making a promise to myself to commit to FIVE months of following Weight Watchers to the tee. 

It’s a program that is more of a lifestyle and I know it works and out of disgust and irritation, I’m back on the WW wagon.  Today is Day 3.  I’m doing it but I need to keep doing it so this blog is a way for me to have greater accountability than just my little food diary notebook.  I also don’t want to bore those closest to me to death with POINTS talk, and .3 pounds of weight loss details and how I really want a dirty martini but am not sure it’s worth the 5 points.

Basically, I’m doing this for myself to have added encouragement, even if it’s an anonymous public venting session.  I’m looking forward to the next 150 or so days and eventually the rest of my life…