Archive for February, 2012

Healthy Living: NEW DIRECTION

Sunday, February 26th, 2012

A New Direction:

Today, I want to try something new. I know I always try to post pictures of myself to document my weight lost. But I want to push 1 more step further.

I’m sure we all have heard the “10lbs weight gain” every time we see ourselves in a video. Well, after reading some document. I realized that our perception of ourselve in the mirror is very distorted. It is only based on 1 point of view. But when we see ourself through a lense of a camera or a video, we see a complete new verson of ourself. This is the image in which the world perceived us. This is the image that everyone see us through.

So, I have always learned that if you want to have a clearer perspective on a subject, then you need to see it in many different point of view. Therefore, I want to see myself.. and know myself a little further. I want to see myself from a different point of view. That’s the reason why I started digital Update. TO see myself in the way the world see me.

But now, I want to take it one step further. I will try my best every week to film myself. It will be a random video but it force me to be in front of a camera for a few minutes. This will allow me to analyze myself, and see what I look like in comparison to my Celeberties idol, and also how my friend see me. THus, this will give me a fuller view of how people perceive me. I have seen what I looked like in the mirror all of my life. It’s time to gain a more neutral perspective on my body.

Battle Plan:

I will try to post a video of myself every week. Just to get myself on camera to see what I look like. And.. to see what my body look like. (I will post a picture clip on this blog, but I will not post the video because.. it’s probably not worth watching! And beside.. I’m embarrassed! xD)

Digital Update: 2/26/12

Sunday, February 26th, 2012

Digital Update: Not my favorite outfit, and probably not my best. But, it is what I could do with the time I had. And, I like the lighting in this picture. Also… i need to get out of the 125 ranged!

Video:

Healthy Living: Living

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

So, I came across an interesting website today that predict your life expectancy based on your currently living style:

My Life expectancy is 81 years old. I wasn’t really surprise because dying at 81 sounds like a pretty long time from now..so I don’t really care. What really caught me off guard was this line: “You can expect to live approximately another 21900 more days.”

This was scary. I was kinda scared to realized that 81 years.. can be converted into days.. and that days on this earth are numbered. I know we can’t lived forever but still, it get scary sometime to think that one day, we are going to die! And.. This really make me think about the decision that I make for myself today. 21,900 days left to live. The clock is ticking. What am I going to do?

Well, I am sure not going to waste! :) I’m going to run for a officer position at my school club!

HERE, TRY IT YOURSELF: www.peterrussell.com/Odds/VirtualAge.php

Food for throught, I also ran over a music video that somewhat relate to this topic:

Saving me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ

Weekly Overview:

Overall, this week turns out to be okay. It was a lot of studying.. and a lot of craming, but I didn’t really get stressed out. Overall, my eating habit this week was also very very good :) I stick to salad every other days.. and try my best to avoid sweet. However, I drink Coffee everyday, so I’m not sure how bad that would be to my healthy.

Healthy Living Daily Calories

Monday, February 20th, 2012

NOO!! :(

I got my midterm result today for Biochemistry! T__T I landed right flat on the mean. I’m kinda depressed about it. But I already promised my mom I won’t cry. I know.. I’m very sensitive when it comes to grades.

i NEED TO WORK HARD AND PULL MY GRADES UP!!

OH!, But i did go to the gym yesterday! :) However, I um.. bought this big cup of mocha cappacino today that was like.. 300 calories per cup!?!? Yea.. it’s bad, but it’s so good. ANd.. i feel that i deserved it because well… i did work hard for my midterm. It didn’t come out as what I expected but I’m not going to give up. I treat myself out, now I really need to focus!

Also, let me recount for yesterday calories:

2/19/12

B: 1 bread + 1/2 grape fruits + 1 bowl cereal = 300

L: 1 bowl rice + 1 bowl soup + 1 bowl cereal + 1/2 bread = 500

Costco: 200

Dinner: Meat Salad + 1/2 bowl rice = 450 + 200

Total: 1650? calories

I guess it’s not that bad. okay. Yea.

Healthy Living: A Complete Mess

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

Well world, It’s another sunday.

Okay, It’s 8:00 AM. I like the morning. There is something about the morning that make everything feels better, clearer, and more.. hopeful. I believe in the day and I believed that each day have something new and exciting instore for us.

I would be lying to you if I told you that my life right now is full of rainbow and sunshine. There are always something things wrong. If it’s not my grades, then it is my social life. If it’s not my social life, then there is something wrong with me. I don’t know, so much bullshit going on. But then again, I would be completely lying to you If I told you that I hate everything that is going on right now. Because it isn’t true either.

Just yesterday night, I went through an emotional breakdown. I felt that there was a storm raginging in my head. I still struggle with my sexual orientation.. and my bio midterm didn’t go that great either. Also, I have been procastinating and have not done anything product this weekend.. and I have a midterm coming up pretty soon for Ochem.

Wow, crazy right? Yea, for me, its seems pretty bad. But I’m sure many of you have it a lot rough than me with your problems. I know I shouldn’t complain… and my trouble may seem trivial to yours.

So, there is always going to be something wrong. And, I guess I will have to suck it up, and learn how to fix it.. and make my life a little better. And.. through all of these tough time, I still want to be true to you.

I want to let you know that I’m happy despite all of these mess up things. Because at least I feel I was put on this earth for a reason, to take care of my problem, and hopefully do some good to other. But, let me just fix myself before I can go out and save mankind. HAHAHA :D

As for my weight, it’s been staying at 125. I don’t know what to do with it. I guess all I can do is “hang-in-there” and wait till I have time to exercise. I tried to watch what I eat but I have not been couting calories. I think I should start again, because I am fearful I might fall back up. I don’t know how I will ever reach to 120.. and even hit 115? I need to change myself and make myself in to a better person and live up to the expectation I have set for myself. You can tell I’m pretty frustrated at myself right now because I can’t even lose weight.. or keep it at 120. I told myself I’ll reach 115 one day.. but today, it seem so far away…

But, let’s not rush anything, and let be patient. I will try out other methods.. My eating schedule have changed dramatically this year because I am spending less time at home and more time in the library. This should help me with my studies.. but it doesn’t help me with my weight. I need to “move” more. And.. yet I still cannot find the time. I need to set my priority straight.. and really have the time to take care of myself. Since.. i do owe it to myself where I am today.

Okay, now, I should get back and start my studies.. because I didn’t do anything in the last 2 days.. and school is tomorrow. But again, things will be alright. I know it. Let’s stay positive!!! :)

Healthy Living: Finally

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

Finally, I am back. :(

Well, I just took my bio midterm the other day. It was pretty hard, but I believed in myself and my capabilites..and I did the best I could with the time I have. So, I just now.. hope for the best. BUt overall, it was a really really hard test :(

As for my weight.. it’s been going downhill. I have one midterm after another.. thus, this makes it very difficult to excerise. I have been spending most of my days & night in the library preparing for Ochem.. and then for bio chemistry. Gosh.. and that really took a toll on my weight.

I tried to eat healthy but I’m not moving as much. NOw.. I can feel the “weight” gaining up on me. But it’s okay, I am free for the next week without a midterm. So, I can use this time to “catch-up”.

However, eventhough I’m free, I still feel like I’m running on “borrow time”. Like.. these hours don’t belong to me.. and I should be preparing for the upcoming finals. Because I know that a week before the final, my 2 professor will slame us hard both in the concept of biochemstry and ochem. I’ll have facing with 6 chapters back to back within 2 weeks.. and this will murder me.

I do not want to pay dearly for my grades.. and I really want to keep up paste with the class. This quarter should be by far the hardest quarter I will face in my bio carreer.. so, I guess, all I can do now is hang on tight.. and put my best foot forward! :)

I also, want to thank you 3fatchicks for all the kind comments in my last post. I was so happy to heard so many of you ^-^ You don’t know how much it means to me! :) Once I get enough time off from my studies, I promised I will be back writing up comments! :D

Good luck everyone!

Healthy Living: FIRST MIDTERM!!!

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

Oh..sorry about my emotional post last time. I guess I was just having a hard time figuring out what I am. BUT.. WHO CARES. i DON’T CARE if i like girl or guy. To be honest, I can’t even make up my mind. I do want a boyfriend. ..and then again, I don’t mind getting a girlfriend either. BUT .. you know, at the end of the day . W/E

I just got my result From MY OCHEM midterm! I got 1 standard deviation above the mean! :D YAY!!!
THIS MEANS.. I’m okay! :D Or.. this mean that I still have a chance to do well this quarter in OCHEM! YAY! :D OH.. who cares about all these gay & sexuality stuff. I JUST DID WELL ON MY TEST! OH I”m SOO HAPPY!! :D

SCREW IT ALL. i”m gonna be single and GET INTO MED SCHOOL! THAT’S my #1 priorty. Of course, the 2nd would be Living a healthy lifestyle & watching my weight! :D OH YAY!!

Healthy Living: The Road Not taken

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

Awhile back, a famous american poet, RObert Frost wrote a poem called, “THe Road Less taken”..

it’s pretty long.. and some part gets very hard to understand, but here is what it said:

—-

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN:


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference”

—-

I could be wrong, and completely don’t understand what the poem means. But in my heart, I feel that it’s trying to say something about ..choosing a path that is right for you. The one.. that is less traveled by. ANd in a way, I feel that this path, my indeed be a harder and more treacherous one. But the poet took it anyway. Maybe he’s stupid. Maybe’s he couragous? Maybe.. just maybe, he had the confidence and ability to believe in his guts and instinct. Either way, he took the road less traveled.

I know, this had nothing to do with me. But, I could somewhat relate.

I have been through some really depressing time lately in the past few weeks. I recently discovered that I could be gay. That.. i could be harboring feelings for the same gender as me. I hated that feeling. I hated myself for having such feeling. It was wrong… or at least it felt wrong. It wasn’t normal. .. or that was my perception of normal. Nobody in my family is gay. None of my friend is gay. So.. why me? Why was I curse with such feeling.

I didn’t want it one bit. I wanted out. I wanted a way to stop all of this stuff. Just 3 weeks ago, I was living my life happily. Everything was fine.. I was going to lose weight.. and live a healthy life. Everything was fine.. until this came along. How am I going to live with myself? I don’t want to be gay. I don’t want these feelings and all the burden that comes with it. Eventhough I am fortunate to live in a society where people are now opening up to accepting gay people. I still don’t feel right. Maybe, I’m homophobic towards myself.

I couldn’t accept myself. Please.. go away. Make these things all go away. But it won’t, it can’t. And I can’t do anything about it. I am left with feeling that I harbor.

So.. I had a choice.. to choose to live with myself and accept myself the way I am. Or.. to pretend none of these feelings are here, and PRETEND everything is fine.. and continue living myself like none of these things ever happen. I can pretend.. and hold it within myself.. until I cannot hold it anymore. I can pretend to be normal. I can pretend to be straight. I can pretend i love a guy. I can pretend.

But…I know this path isn’t right. It isn’t something I would do to myself. I owe myself so much. ANd despite how much I hate myself right now, I still love myself too much to let myself to go back into the closet. I know this is crazy and stupid… but, I’m not going back into the closet.

I love myself too much to do that. ANd.. I don’t believe in living a life where I am lying to myself.. and to the people that I love. I don’ t think a life like that is worth living. I don’t think that is a life at all.

……

So, I’m going to do something. I am gay. And, I might not know what I’m getting myself into… but this is who I am. I’m going to accept myself. I’m going to love myself and I’m going to be okay. It is hard. Who would ever choose to be gay if they have a choice? I know I wouldn’t. I don’t want to be different. I want to be normal. I want to fall in love with a guy, and grow up having a family and children. That’s how I always imagined myself. Funny.. how things like these turn out.

I don’t like it. Not one bit. It’s going to take sometime for me to be comfortable with myself. Its going to take sometime for me to accept myself.. and be “okay”. Because I still feel that what I am doing is wrong. But, it’s okay. I’m going to be alright. I’m going to be strong and live my life the way I feel like I should live.

I want to live a life worth living. I want to pursue my dreams. I want to make my parents proud. I want to fall in love with the person I love, regardless of which gender they are. I want to be happy. And.. shit, it’s going to hard. But, fuck it. I’m going to live. I’m going to be me. And, I’m going to be better than okay. :)

..and NOW, i’m going to study!