I CAN fit in my pants!

I finally got up the nerve to call my ob/gyn for a prescription for Ativan. I don’t have a primary care doc so I asked the receptionist if either my gyno could call in the prescription OR if they could give me a referral for a primary care doctor. She confirmed prescription location and made it sound like it wouldn’t be a big deal and my doc would call me back. So happy that this would be an easy process. I hate asking for meds. I really hate it.

So then the NP called back and said “Dr B, under any circumstances, does NOT prescribe anxiety meds. You either need to find a primary care doc or go to Urgent Care.” WTH? She repeated that like 3 times, in a “how could you even ask that?” tone… I’m like I GOT IT. So what am I supposed to do - go to Urgent Care and look like a drug seeker?

Call up a primary care doc and say “Hi, I’m new. Can I have some meds?”

It took a lot for me to even call in the first place. Argh. I guess I will try Urgent Care and promise I’m not going to pawn them on the street.

I got in my 5k run yesterday - I rocked it in 33 minutes!!!! I had to double check, but sure enough! And here I was feeling slow and yuck because it was chilly out. We made chicken sausage for dinner and then I did Burn Circuit 1. I am definitely getting stronger..still broke a sweat last night but didn’t get to the point of failure on any of the circuits. I think I will need to go to 15 lbs next week for the last week of the Burn Phase.

I got my red dress yesterday! I think it is the “wow factor” dress…especially judging by DH’s reaction (”wow!”) Since I had to rush to get in my workout I didn’t get a chance to take pictures, but I’ll do that tonight. Today is just Burn Circuit 2, but I’d like to get in some cardio so I think I’ll go to the gym after work and do the elliptical/cross trainer for an hour.

Tonight I’m making a knock off of California Pizza Kitchen’s Thai Crunch Salad:

The original recipe you get at CPK is 731 calories…for HALF of the salad! My version (leaving out the peanuts, wonton strips and rice sticks, and cutting down a LOT on the salad dressing) is 400 calories for the entire salad. I think I will make extra and make a wrap out of it for lunch tomorrow….mmm!

Here is the original recipe: CPK Thai Crunch Salad

Today is already shaping up to be quite busy, so this will have to be brief. The weekend was great - too short, as always. We got our hardwood installed on Friday night/Saturday, but since we are re-staining our existing hardwood, it won’t be completely finished until probably 2 weeks from now between us being out of town this weekend and what not. My cat was piiissssseeed at me on Fri/Sat for making him stay in our room, but he’s forgiven me now. Anyway, I love it! I think it will look so good when it’s finished.

Saturday when the guys were working, I decided to go shopping. I did some Christmas/birthday shopping and then went to Kohl’s to try on jeans. Size 8 fit perfectly! I got a little teary in the dressing room because it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was twice this size in clothing and felt like I would never get here. I bough a pair, and then went to American Eagle because I used to love their jeans when I was in college & skinny. The woman who helped me was a godsend because I had only picked up one pair and then she stopped me and talked to me about their different cuts. Thank goodness because the pair I picked out? So ridiculously low cut and not appropriate for me (and VERY tight). I tried on another cut- still low cut but not as much - and they fit so well ( also size 8). I bought those jeans and a dark purple AE hoodie. Why? Because when I was thin, my favorite outfit was a pair of jeans and a hoodie, and for some reason I’ve always had that image in my head when I think about the days when I was thin. I was just glowing the rest of the day. Size 8!

And yet? Somehow I still don’t believe it. Sometimes I feel like I am just kidding myself, that I’m not really this size and I don’t really weigh this little. I look in the mirror and more often than not, I still see a 200+ lb me. I hope that my mind catches up with reality soon.

ETA: Food find of the weekend… chicken, asiago and spinach sausage from Sam’s club. Holy. Cow. This is quite possibly the best “bratwurst” I’ve ever eaten. 110 calories, 5g fat, 1g carb and 15g protein. SO DELICIOUS!!!!

Actually, I am really happy it’s Friday. But I am so sad about Ft. Hood. We just had several thousand units/families from Hood transfer up to Ft. Carson a few months ago, and some units from Carson transfer to Hood. Terrible tragedy!

Anyway, back to weight and dieting and all that jazz. I’m down a lb this morning from last week, but of course I’ll wait until I’m officially done with Week 2 to record it. I did just a quick measurement of my hips this morning and I lost another .5 inches! I really am shocked that I’m losing inches so quickly. Yesterday I did my 3 mile run and my legs were DONE before I even started. I ran through most of it but made a deal with myself that I could run up half the hills and walk the other half. Then I ran into my neighbor who was out walking so I stopped and chatted with him for a few minutes. Anyway, my calves and quads were screaming pretty loudly and I knew I wouldn’t be putting much effort into ChaLEAN, so I skipped BC3. I’ll probably do it tomorrow evening. I was thinking I’d get a rest day today, but I’m sure DH will have me help move furniture when I get home so I may be doing some heavy lifting after all, lol. I’m so excited to be getting our floors finally!

Other than that (which I plan to stay out of the house by preoccupying my time with errands/shopping on Saturday), we don’t have much planned. I wanted to see if I could fit into size 8 jeans this weekend. According to American Eagle size charts, my hip size corresponds to a size 4 (???) Are sizes getting bigger? But my waist corresponds to a size 8. Back in the day ( 7 years ago), I was 130 lbs and a size 6. I just looked back at October - at 163 lbs I was a size 10. I was definitely not a size 10 until I was well into the 150s when I lost weight last time. I’m estimating now that about every 10 lbs is a size lower… that’s a nice change from when I first started. I think it took me 30 lbs to go from size 16 to 14. I just looked at Express’s size chart and it’s also a 4-6 there for my hip measurement. Are more people just becoming overweight or are they getting realistic about sizes? If I have a 34″ hip (2.5 inches away for me) I would be a size 0 according to them! Of course I’d have a very large muffin top but hey, it’d fit over my wide, wide hips! :p

Weird.

Wish it was Friday.

Burn Circuit 2 complete.

Today is 3 mile run plus Burn Circuit 3. It’s a lot, but I just want to get it out of the way.

Tomorrow will be intervals.

Saturday I can finally REST! As much as I can with getting our wood floors in.

The weather? OF COURSE it is supposed to be just lovely the rest of this week and all next week UNTIL Saturday. Snow showers. Why can’t I ever have a good race day in terms of weather? I guess it’s still 10 days away..things could change. Let’s hope!

Oh yes. Now apparently my red dress has shipped? Maybe by next week, I’ll get it?

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ETA: Just planned out my 2010 races (wtf, don’t I ever do any work?)

January: Frosty’s Frozen 5 & 10 (5 miles)

February: Snowman Stampede 5 & 10 (10 miles)

May: Ft Collins Half Marathon /  BolderBOULDER 10k

September: Mountain Air Marathon

Barf.

I got a “you’re wasting away” comment yesterday. One of my coworker’s was commenting on my weight loss and I said, yeah, I’d really like to lose about 20 more pounds. WHAT? You’re already wasting away!

Why do people say that? It’s OBVIOUS I’m still overweight. I’m not like 130 and wanting to lose 20 more lbs. Feel free to tell me I’m wasting away if I do that. But at 156 you can’t possibly be serious.

People are so strange.

There should be a list of comments that should be banned. Starting with comments about your fertility plans and followed by opinions on weight loss/dieting do’s and do not’s.

Tuesday was fantastic!

I came home and put on my running shoes and went out for a PERFECT 5.2 miles. Took me 60 minutes which is slightly faster than I had planned on, but I’m so happy. I really needed this run with the 10k next weekend. I know I keep saying it, but I can’t believe what weight lifting has done for my running. You would think that since you use mostly leg muscles when running that additional lower body weight training (squats, lunges, etc) wouldn’t have that much of a difference, but it does! My legs don’t really get tired now… I felt like I could have continued on for the entire 6 miles, but it was starting to get dark and I needed to come home and get dinner going. Oh, it was just wonderful. I have had such good runs for the past 2-3 weeks …. why can’t they translate over into my races?? Oh well. I told DH about my run/pace and he said “wow you could finish the 10k in 1:10″. I told him no, I don’t want to care about my time with this one. I want to go in with ZERO expectations (easier said than done). I don’t know the course and I’ve never run a full 6 miles before so I really shouldn’t have too high of expectations lol.

Dinner was smoked turkey legs… delicious. DH didn’t eat his because he doesn’t like dark meat (who knew?) so I have his leftovers for lunch today. I made stock afterward and can’t wait to make turkey soup from Thanksgiving leftovers now! After that I promptly sacked out on the bed with the cat for an hour while DH studied. Long run plus turkey makes for an early bedtime, I guess.

Breakfast this morning was a really good protein shake. It tasted like a Reese’s peanut butter cup! I just add skim milk, 2 tbsp peanut butter, a scoop of soy chocolate protein powder, Torani sugar free chocolate syrup, some ice cubes, and blend. Walla! I will definitely be making this once or twice a week. It was super delicious!

The scale is looking good. I’m almost to 60 lbs lost! I shouldn’t say that, because every time I get close to a milestone, I stall out.

Have a great Wednesday, everyone.

Did I mention that over the weekend, I got a notice saying that the red dress I ordered on 10/18/09 would ship on or before DECEMBER 2?? Ugh.

Yesterday I planned on doing some intervals at the gym, and really needed it because work was craptacular, but I forgot my shoes at home. Double bummer. I did planned Burn Circuit 1, which worked up a pretty good sweat. Just as I finished, DH came upstairs with my black dress! Oh, exciting!

This dress fits like a glove - not tight, not loose. It zips up perfectly which is something I was worried about with a big bust. Ignore the bra I’m wearing with it, lol. But hey, let’s be honest. I think it would look a lot better if I lost 10 lbs and those bat wings were toned up! I don’t know if I’m in LOVE with it, but it is a nice dress and I could get a lot of use out of it.

DH told me to keep it, and see if I like the red dress better when it (if ever) comes in.

Good thing I’m lifting weights. Those arms need serious work!

Also! Looks like DH and I will be getting our wood floors finally installed this weekend. My nephew is a manager at a floor installation business and we are putting wood floors on our main level for cost of the wood, including custom work for our dining room. I’m so happy! Except this may mess with my scheduled routine a bit, but I’ll make it work somehow.

Gosh, I have so much to write about!

Week 1 Recap

• Pounds lost: 1.6 (gasp!)
• Inches lost: 3.5 (double gasp!)

Final October weight: 157.0 (5.6 lbs lost for the month). SUPER happy about this… it was way more than I expected, especially after a slow September.

Ok, what do I think of CE so far? I think it’s awesome and I didn’t expect such great results the first week. The only “complaint” (which is not really a complain) I have is that I feel like it needs more cardio. The Burn Intervals don’t really get my heart rate up so I will add in another run day in place of the scheduled Intervals. Other than that, I love it so far. The 35 minutes or so goes by really quickly and I don’t get bored which is a huge plus!

I learned so many lessons this weekend.

Lesson #1 - It’s better to see an old crush at 157 lbs than at 213 lbs. It’d be even better to see him at 138 lbs!

So my brother and I were checking out his house (they’re building about a mile away from us) and were looking at the model homes when I ran into this guy I had a crush on my junior year of college. We both had the same major and he worked for me when I was Editor of the campus newspaper. Anyway! He is married and has three little girls (geez was it that long ago? I guess it was 7 years ago now!) and it turns out, they are building a house the next block over from us! His wife is super nice and the girls are adorable… I’m excited to have new neighbors. And thinking back, I’m about the same size now as I was back then so hey at least nothing’s changed except, of course, I look more mature. But I age gracefully. LOL

Also. Back then, at this weight, I was a size 12. Now I’m an 8/10 so I probably look better now than I did 7 years ago.

Lesson #2 - Run ins with Halloween candy are not the end of the world.

I bought 3 bags of candy on Saturday morning and kept away from them until Saturday night as the kids starting arriving. I think my candy fiasco included some Reeses pumpkins, tootsie rolls and Starbursts. And honestly? I’m not the least bit upset that I ate it. Throughout this journey, I’ve been trying to pay attention to how “skinny folks” eat. My friend, who is a size 4-6, posted on Facebook that she went to the gym, came home and ate two mini snickers and a cookie. But you know what? She eats well the other 90% of the time which is how she maintains her weight. I have to make this work for life. In the end, if I am 138 lbs but still hate myself every time I eat a cookie, have I really accomplished anything? What do you do when you eat too much Halloween candy? You compensate for it - I ate perfectly on plan for Sunday and went for a FABULOUS 3 mile run in the evening… that is what makes me feel like I can do this for the rest of my life. There was a woman on the forums who was upset because she went over her daily calorie intake by 88 calories. Really? 88 calories? 500 calories, ok yeah that’s maybe something you should feel a little upset about, but is it really worth beating yourself up over 88 calories? It IS possible to be happy and dieting. Really. I swear!

Lesson #3 - My perception is totally screwed up

DH and I were looking at old photos on my laptop on Saturday while manning the door for Trick or Treaters, and came across some photos from last year’s Christmas party. I was about 205 lbs in these photos and remember feeling disappointed… I had gotten my makeup done at MAC, bought this fabulous dress, and still? I felt so, so fat and unattractive. DH commented that he hadn’t realized himself that I had gotten that big and maybe neither did I (or I was in denial, one of the two).

December 2008:

This weekend:

The problem I used to have was that I didn’t think I was as big as I was. I would look in the mirror and thought I looked maybe 180 lbs? Yeah right. That’s why they say pictures don’t lie. Every time I would see myself in a photo at 200+ lbs I would think geez, *I* don’t think I look that big… but that’s how everybody else saw me. The problem I have now? Thinking I’m bigger than I really am.

Last night I did Burn Circuit 3 and today will be a 5 mile run because the chances of me going to the gym over the weekend are slim to none. I’ll bust it out after work today and start my weekend off right. I’ll post my first week results on Monday since technically it will end on Saturday, but let’s just say that I took some preliminary measurements this morning and I have lost 3.5 inches already!! I am SO CLOSE to having an under 30″ waist! The size 10 jeans that I bought are feeling pretty loose so I think I will give it another week and maybe I will be able to fit into 8’s. Who knows. Either way, I am really happy about the results so far. And it’s funny because I don’t feel like I am working out a LOT… the ChaLEAN Extreme circuits are around 35-40 minutes, including a 5 minute warm up and cool down so it’s really only 30 minutes of weight lifting 3x a week. I’m not spending 2 hours in the gym or working out for long periods of time. In a way this program really reminds me of “New Rules of Weight Lifting for Women” which advocates less reps, heavier weights. Heck if I can accomplish something in less amount of time but just having to work harder, I’m all for it!

I did end up having lunch with my friend yesterday and we went to Pei Wei and I got the Chopped Asian Chicken Salad - ate half which was 390 calories. I should say something about this friend - she will always hold a special place in my heart because we became friends when I really needed someone the most in college. I had broken up with the “love of my life” whom I had been talking marriage with, I dropped a TON of weight thanks to the eating disorder and was generally so messed up that I felt like I was barely surviving. We just started hanging out because I think she sensed that I just really needed a friend (a lot of my “friends” tended to bail). And then we had so much in common that we became close - we were both bridesmaids in each other’s wedding and she is just one of those friends that I can not talk to for a few months but when we see each other, it’s like nothing has changed. I am SO happy that she’s working up here now - we decided to try and get together at least once a month. So it was great to see her!!

Anyway, what’s on tap for this weekend? I have no plans at all except doling out Halloween candy tomorrow.

Would you like to see the one, possibly two dresses I could be receiving next week? If I do end up getting both, I’ll just try them both on and keep the one I like the best.

This is the one that I’m not sure if it’s actually coming or not (I suppose I could contact Customer Service to find out!) I ordered it in a dark red, sans jacket.

This is the backup dress.

I pretty much love both of them.