25 Jul, 2007
Posted by: Fat Pants In: General
I used to have a somewhat extensive journal, but like so many dieters, I fell off the wagon. In March, I started out at 205 lbs, dropped to 189, and am now back at 200. I just saw pictures of myself in a (albeit hideous) bridesmaid dress at my brother’s wedding, and I look like a beached whale. I am ashamed of myself.
To top things off, my dad had a heart attack last night. My dad is not overweight, doesn’t smoke or drink eats well and exercises on a regular basis. The heart attack was mild and an angiogram showed that no damage was done to the heart and no blockages were found. Still though, if this can happen to a relatively healthy 55-year old man, why can’t it happen to an obese 25 year old woman?
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can’t count how many times I’ve said “I’ll pig out today and start dieting tomorrow.” I must have said that at least 10 times in the past month. I used to go to the gym every day, now I’m lucky if I go once a month.
When am I going to wake up and realize that my body is a gift to me, not something to be abused with food?
Today does mark a new journey. I’m tired of making excuses for myself. I’m tired of feeling controlled by food. And I’m tired of being the token fat coworker, the token fat bridesmaid, the token fat friend. I’m better than this, and my body deserves better than what I’ve been giving it.
The plan is to eat between 1300-1500 calories a day, no more than 45 fat grams. Exercise four times a week with a goal of eventually six times a week. I must go for at least 30 minutes each time, working my way up to an hour each day of exercise.
Being fat is so old. I’m over it.