So I have this issue with osteo-arthritis in both knees…and it is becoming increasingly more and more limiting on my life. And this is MY fault. Why? Because I weight too damned much and I know it…yet for some reason, I haven’t gotten back on track and started to eat right again. WHY??? WHY?? WHY??? What is wrong with me that I do not have the determination to get back to the size I was before? I can literally see the weight I have gained as the days go on. I am embarrassed to see my friends and previous co-workers for the weight I have gained! and………….it is hurting me physically. My knees are so bad right now. I walk, no, I waddle like a penguin, and not far either. It was such a gorgeous day today, I really wanted to take Jes out for a walk, even just around the block, but know my knees won’t do it. I have been told swimming is the best, but how am I supposed to face other people I know in a bathing suit???
I KNOW THIS…I KNOW IT AND IT BOTHERS THE HECK OUT OF ME! I am so done with always being in pain and so limited. i used to love walking. I would walk for hours, with my walkman trying to outdistance where I went the day before. Now..I don’t. I don’t dance, or crouch..and I hate it. I just friggin’ hate it. Get the weight off, see how the pain is, and if it doesn’t get better, talk to the doctor about getting the replacement (that terrifies me even more) done before I turn 50. Both knees will have to be done, at different times.
So why can’t I lose the weight to put off the TKR? Why can’t I lose the weight to feel better about myself? What in the heck is wrong with me?
Filed under: Uncategorized on February 13th, 2010