2 dogs & a lady

11:53am Since I did not get most of yesterdays errands done, I am stucktrying to get them done as well as clean the house today..never put off today what you can put off tomorrow…or something like that! *smirk*

I have noticed I am spending allot lately. Online mostly. Parusing for neat house things. I think I just realized I am doing it to occupy myself rather than look close at other things…usually when I am unhappy I do that “shopping therapy” thing. Not that anything is wrong, maybe I am just handling my stress that way right now. I know sleep isn’t my friend, the naps I have taken this weekend were not resting…but I am so exhausted I could not stop. Stess must be the reason. many things on the mind, just not facing them. Maybe it is time too…my weight-even if I am working on losing it, seeing photos of how large I have gotten embarrasses me, limits me. Housing arrangements-I thought I could handle living with the ex here, but he seems to think that we will get back together. i need to face the guilt, to let it go, he has been in the city 6 years and has to stand on his own 2 feet. i can not help it if he isn’t willing to help himself. I am so glad I stuck to my guns and did not co-sign anything for him. he just isn’t remotely financially responsible..Since I have been putting his pay in his account now, I can see he has deferred the loan payment within the 1st month. BUT I have to stop thinking about what he will or won’t do. I can only be responsible for myself.

I have to learn to let go of these things.

Work, I let myself get stessed over the stupidest thing lately..I feel like it gets so hard when it should be easy. I have said it is so hard to work there when you care too much and others there just don’t care enough. Dr Phil, what would you say to this prediciment? I wonder if google has the answer….

My house-the renovations are a bit of a mess thank you to the crappy contractor I fired. Now I have things hanging left & right, kitchen cabinets half stripped, crown moulding not finished, kitchen sink ill fitting, taps not fitted or secured properly, grout not done…and my knees not letting me do much of the repair. how I wish i could do things. I dream of walking and dancing…people take those things for granted when they don’t have the pain.

I think this blog just finished as a whine fest. Because I have been doing that. I keep forgetting something…if God brought me to it, He will get me through it… perhaps it is time to get back to the basic, one thing at a time. I should be grateful for what i have & what I CAN do…

 

 

Filed under: Uncategorized on September 14th, 2008